Grabbing the bull by the horns

Life happens. Pain is inflicted. Relationships go bad or just start that way. You know that phrase that life is 90% what happens to you and 10% how you react to it? I can't control the 90%. The only piece that I can affect is my 10%, my thoughts and actions. So continuing the spirit of being good to myself,  I am not going to wallow, despair, be hopeless, or beat myself up. I am going to grab the bull by the horns and deal with what I am given. I am going to make limoncello out of lemons. I am going to learn what I need to learn, adjust what I need to adjust, make a plan to handle and eliminate/control the issue in the future, and follow through with the plan diligently and positively, then move on with life and on to bigger, better, and happier things. (Yes grammar freaks, I am aware that is a super long run-on sentence, but I am leaving it as is.) Pain or the fear of pain isn't going to run my life. Some situations you just have to learn to live with for a period of time, some fix themselves with behavior and relational adjustments, some you can eliminate, and some you just release and continue without it. Today, I choose to focus on dealing with my "bulls" and move on. My heart will just have to catch up to my head. Feelings and emotions heal.

UGH!

This is really turning out to be a bad day, approaching horrid level. I am going to have to develop a thicker skin, become less sensitive, and let what people think of me and say to me matter less. I wish I could stay in bed but I have to work a 14 hour double tonight, which means I will have to deal pleasantly with the public and handle really crappy weather on very little, not quality sleep. Enough gripping now! Despite all of my "hurdles" currently, I am going to give my most valiant attempt summoning up some sense of the positive and not be overcritical with myself. Who knows...maybe I will be able to help someone else who is having a bad day. Time to get up now, get ready, and put gas in the car before work.

Resolved

I usually don't make New Year's resolutions, because I know I won't keep them. I have been doing well at making some good changes in my life over the past couple of months and sticking with them, so I decided to make a resolution this year. My resolution is this...be good to myself. Sounds simple right?...not for me. I am resolved this year to be good to myself even if I don't like what has to be done or it is hard. Whether it be stopping negative thoughts/actions or seizing new opportunities, this is my goal...not necessarily for the next year but for the   rest of my life. I haven't even discussed this with anyone, but I have to have some sort of tracking method/accountability set up for the bad days. Yesterday and today are threatening to be bad. I have fallen short a couple of times. I have also made many good choices. The interesting thing about this new thought pattern is how many times and how often I question myself. I am not by any means going radically harsh or over the top this time around. Life can't be all or nothing. Some things in life are black and white, but most have some gray areas and degrees. Complete change doesn't usually happen overnight. Permenant change sticks with the small things and individual choices. I have recently begun to crave some different foods like oatmeal and oranges. These items are successfully and painlessly integrating into my daily life. I may still eat pasta, but I add green beans to the menu and even eat them first. The negative thinking has been an issue I have been dealing with lately, so I am continuing to redirect my thinking. As far as relationships go, I am and will continue to grow the ones I can, make new relationships, and let the ones that I can't do anything more with at the moment lay to the side. As hard as it is to put a relationship I want to succeed on the shelf, I am not going to keep beating my head against a brick wall. I am going to spend my time and energy on people who love me and want to be in my life. My relationship with myself is another matter. I will love myself, warts and all. So many other things are wrapped up in my resolution to be good to myself. I am going to take more pictures and focus on growing my skill there. Financially, I am going to be more focused on what really matters. I am going to travel more and try to move to a city at some point in the near future. I am going to take some more classes hopefully. Short and long of it all is that I am going to actively choose to be good to myself...so far, so good.

"Every new year people make resolutions to change aspects of themselves they believe are negative. A majority of people revert back to how they were before and feel like failures. This year I challenge you to a new resolution. I challenge you to just be yourself. " 

Aisha Elderwyn