Something has been brewing in the undercurrents of my consciousness lately. Tonight it feels like it just came to the surface and woke me up. Bear with me, as I am in the middle of the thinking process on several thought patterns/issues.
We all have roles in life. Some are thrust upon us, and some are deliberate choices. Either way, it is a choice.We make the choice to choose a role or allow a role to be thrust upon us. We make the choice to reject a role that we should not fill. Some shoes we are not meant to wear. When we choose a role that we were not meant for, what do we do then? How do you deal with resentment? How do you relieve yourself of that role in a way that does not harm those around you? What do you do when you are the person who rejected the role that someone else picked up?
Some roles have been left open, and we feel it should be filled. Is that necessarily required though? Sometimes when one role is vacated, new roles are created or the old role modifies itself to new circumstances.
Do we define the roles or do we let them define us? Can we find a healthy balance between the two?
How do you heal?
I am writing today as the words and thoughts flow through me. I want to get them out while I can so they can be dealt with. Weigh in if you like.
What roles have you chosen and how have you dealt with them?
Thursday
Fall Out
Is it ever a good idea to anticipate a fall out and to let it happen? Pain is inevitable. What if you can find something at the end that is worth the loss? Can peace be found at the end of pain?
Moving On
Have you ever been in a situation where a relationship had become defunct? Have you ever said "It's your loss" to another person? That perspective is wrong. When a relationship ends, both parties lose. If the relationship has not been healthy, you may not lose much good. However, a loss still exists. There was a reason you invested in this person and they invested in you. To ignore a loss of a person in your life is to deny yourself a grieving period that allows a healthy recovery. Covering something up doesn't deny the fact that it existed. It only allows it to continue to aggitate until it gets proper attention and healing.
What It Is
We all have a past, a history, for better or for worse. It is what we do with that past, that sets us up for today and what is around the bend in life. The past is, exactly that, past. You can't change it. You can't fix it. You also can't deny it. What you have to do today is take what you are, who you are, and what you have and make the best of it. You have a story unlike any other. That story may help someone else out further along the road. Often, I wondered how I landed in the middle of nowhere Kansas in a place where I don't really "fit" and don't plan on sticking around. I think this is probably my blessed desert. This is the place where I lay my past to rest and get on with the rest of my life. I now choose to be grateful for what I do have and change the focus from what I don't. I choose to take relationships where they are, forget the blame, and move forward in a positive direction. Perfect, I am not. Growing, I am. What I am is me. I am moving past trying to being. As the wise Yoda said, "Do or do not... there is no try." The path of my life still has a lot of miles left. Growth is a life long process. As the phoenix rises from the ashes, so will my life rise from the past. I am moving as the Lotus flower does. I am leaving mud and muck behind and reaching for the light.
This journey can only be taken one step at a time, one choice at a time. Forgiveness must be given and recieved. Joy and gratitude must be chosen over drama and resentment. Anger must be abandoned. Love must be accepted. Moments will still occur, emotions will resurface. Only now, the point of view will be different, and the approach can change.
It is difficult to look at what is ahead without what is behind trying to jump into the view. Bluntly put, it is difficult to consider carrying some relationships forward given what lies in the past. Some relationships are not meant to move forward. Some will. The ones that do carry on in some aspect will move forward differently. I can't continue to hold on to the past. It is exhausting and draining, and it benefits no one in the end. I struggle with allowing someone else the grace to change, even though I want that for myself. I struggle with allowing some people to continue to hold importance and prominence in my life. Trusting others can be difficult for me. Trusting those who hurt me in the past is even more strenuous and rare. That isn't a way to live though. I can't live an open and free life being constrained by fear, rejection and pain. How will I deal with those who continue to be in my life? One day at a time. Choosing to look at them through new eyes, without old emotions. I am not the person I was yesterday or ten years ago. I am the person I am today. I am a product of my past and the hope of my future.
This ongoing internal journey is sometimes difficult and always rewarding. I have today. I have now. My choices lay out the path in front of me. The path I choose is hope, beauty, and extrodinary faith that something amazing lies ahead. One step, one moment, one day at a time.
This journey can only be taken one step at a time, one choice at a time. Forgiveness must be given and recieved. Joy and gratitude must be chosen over drama and resentment. Anger must be abandoned. Love must be accepted. Moments will still occur, emotions will resurface. Only now, the point of view will be different, and the approach can change.
It is difficult to look at what is ahead without what is behind trying to jump into the view. Bluntly put, it is difficult to consider carrying some relationships forward given what lies in the past. Some relationships are not meant to move forward. Some will. The ones that do carry on in some aspect will move forward differently. I can't continue to hold on to the past. It is exhausting and draining, and it benefits no one in the end. I struggle with allowing someone else the grace to change, even though I want that for myself. I struggle with allowing some people to continue to hold importance and prominence in my life. Trusting others can be difficult for me. Trusting those who hurt me in the past is even more strenuous and rare. That isn't a way to live though. I can't live an open and free life being constrained by fear, rejection and pain. How will I deal with those who continue to be in my life? One day at a time. Choosing to look at them through new eyes, without old emotions. I am not the person I was yesterday or ten years ago. I am the person I am today. I am a product of my past and the hope of my future.
This ongoing internal journey is sometimes difficult and always rewarding. I have today. I have now. My choices lay out the path in front of me. The path I choose is hope, beauty, and extrodinary faith that something amazing lies ahead. One step, one moment, one day at a time.
Wednesday
Colin Powell's Narrative
The less you associate with some people, the more your life will improve.
Any time you tolerate mediocrity in others, it increases your mediocrity. An important attribute in successful people is their impatience with negative thinking and negative acting people.
As you grow, your associates will change. Some of your friends will not want you to go on. They will want you to stay where they are... Friends that don't help you climb will want you to crawl. Your friends will stretch your vision or choke your dream. Those that don't increase you will eventually decrease you.
Consider this:
Never receive counsel from unproductive people. Never discuss your problems with someone incapable of contributing to the solution, because those who never succeed themselves are always first to tell you how.
Not everyone has a right to speak into your life. You are certain to get the worst of the
bargain when you exchange ideas with the wrong person. Don't follow anyone who's not going anywhere...
With some people you spend an evening: with others you invest it. Be careful where you stop to inquire for directions along the road of life. Wise is the person who fortifies his life with the right friendships. If you run with wolves, you will learn how to howl. But, if you associate with eagles, you will learn how to soar to great heights.
"A mirror reflects a man's face, but what he is really like is shown by the
kind of friends he chooses."
The simple but true fact of life is that you become like those with whom you closely associate - for the good and the bad.
Note: Be not mistaken. This is applicable to family as well as friends.
Yes...do love, appreciate and be thankful for your family, for they will
always be your family no matter what. Just know that they are human first
and though they are family to you, they may be a friend to someone else and will fit somewhere in the criteria above.
"In Prosperity Our Friends Know Us. In Adversity We Know Our friends."
"Never make someone a priority when you are only an option for them."
"If you are going to achieve excellence in big things, you develop the habit
in little matters. Excellence is not an exception, it is a prevailing
attitude.."..
Colin Powell
Any time you tolerate mediocrity in others, it increases your mediocrity. An important attribute in successful people is their impatience with negative thinking and negative acting people.
As you grow, your associates will change. Some of your friends will not want you to go on. They will want you to stay where they are... Friends that don't help you climb will want you to crawl. Your friends will stretch your vision or choke your dream. Those that don't increase you will eventually decrease you.
Consider this:
Never receive counsel from unproductive people. Never discuss your problems with someone incapable of contributing to the solution, because those who never succeed themselves are always first to tell you how.
Not everyone has a right to speak into your life. You are certain to get the worst of the
bargain when you exchange ideas with the wrong person. Don't follow anyone who's not going anywhere...
With some people you spend an evening: with others you invest it. Be careful where you stop to inquire for directions along the road of life. Wise is the person who fortifies his life with the right friendships. If you run with wolves, you will learn how to howl. But, if you associate with eagles, you will learn how to soar to great heights.
"A mirror reflects a man's face, but what he is really like is shown by the
kind of friends he chooses."
The simple but true fact of life is that you become like those with whom you closely associate - for the good and the bad.
Note: Be not mistaken. This is applicable to family as well as friends.
Yes...do love, appreciate and be thankful for your family, for they will
always be your family no matter what. Just know that they are human first
and though they are family to you, they may be a friend to someone else and will fit somewhere in the criteria above.
"In Prosperity Our Friends Know Us. In Adversity We Know Our friends."
"Never make someone a priority when you are only an option for them."
"If you are going to achieve excellence in big things, you develop the habit
in little matters. Excellence is not an exception, it is a prevailing
attitude.."..
Colin Powell
Saturday
What's your name?
Our names are so much more than just a grouping of letters. Our names represent our essence, other's perceptions of us, our perceptions of ourselves, growth, and changed circumstances. As we continue through life, previous incarnations of our names can stir up memories and identify connections to individuals, places and times. How have you been known previously? What is the name you go by today? Who do you want to be known as? Who are you becoming?
You Will Never Love The Same Again
Every person we encounter leaves their own special fingerprint on our lives, no matter whether their touch is big or small. Every person you love affects your the way you percieve and give love. From puppy love, to committed love, to unconditional love, our definition of love is continually evolving throughout life and varying experiences. You will never love someone new the same way you love the people in your life right now. We learn, we fall, we rise, our hearts expand, we build walls around our hearts. We continually evolve or grow stagnant and die.
Ladybugs
I love the movie Under the Tuscan Sun. One of my favorite quotes has to be: "Ladybugs, Katherine. Lots and lots of ladybugs." When we finally stop pushing and be, the thing we have been yearning for quite often shows up.
The Heart
I have been pondering a thought as I was reading this past week. The books don't matter as much as the subject of the thought. How can it be possible to truly love two people at the same time? If that is a possibility for you, is it possible to truly commit in such a situation?
My romantic relationship experience isn't vast, and I have never been in such a situation deeply. I haven't found many that I have trusted enough to let them in that close. My friendships and the issues that have been encountered in the have been vast and eclectic.
I do know what it is to care about someone and have them not return the feeling. I also know what it feels like to be with someone I care about and not have the situation be one that is successful (no matter the feelings involved). I know what it is like to be in a relationship that deteoriates as you watch it fall apart.
To love someone who you can't or shouldn't be with while you are with another, I haven't been in that situation. I can somewhat imagine the pain and uncertainty that must accompany one in a such a situation. The struggle in my heart and mind is less from the area of loving each person. I wonder though if you could truly, deeply love each person fully in such a situation. Maybe you can, mabye you can't.
I often wonder if we are too carefree with our hearts in this day and age. Does the value or strength of saying 'I love you' decrease as you say it to more amours? Do we have less to give the person we choose to seriously commit to when we scatter pieces of our hearts around? Is our view of and ability to commitment to committing long term impaired when we have multiple "love" relationships that are short termed and short sighted? Is the understanding we have of love twisted and warped when we aren't as guarded as we should be? I have to wonder.
Don't misunderstand me here. I am not advocating arranged marriages or chaparoned dates. I just wonder if we shouldn't be a little more choosy in who we allow in our lives deeply and get to know the person before jumping into the deep end. As I alluded to, I don't have a ton of dating experience. On the large scale, I am grateful of this. My heart has been out there enought as it is. I do wish that I have more experience at moments. For myself, I cannot casually date. I know many who can successfully. Keeping things low key is definitely on my need to learn list. My friends and family will tell you that I am deep and intense. I acknowledge this as well. This trait can be toned down and controlled, but I will always be that way to a degree. This does make being "casual" a tad hard. Being friends first is hugely preferable for my particular personality.
I don't have the answers to life. I just wonder if we aren't so starved for true love and affection that we take more risks with our hearts romantically than we should. I read books, listen to music, and watch movies and television. The idealist in me occasionally daydreams about my own "white knight" who is devoted to my every happiness and myself to his. The realist in me knows that no person can bring you or guarantee you happiness or contentment. Happiness is not guaranteed and won't always be there...but that is for another time. Being content with your lot in life is an inside job. People are human and will fail you at one point or another. Enough of rabbit chasing. The point is that the more we "connect" with more and more people via technology, it seems the more disconnected we seem to be to true, deep and lasting connections. People hug less, people talk less face to face. You can share so much on facebook, but the quality of what is shared doesn't hold as much power. This isn't an new issue nor is it going to go away. It will most likely get worse. I just think we lost our connection with true intimacy.
I go through all of that to get to this point. True intimacy isn't about these surface issues. True intimacy is leaving a heartprint on someone's soul. It isn't sex or a gossip session. It is knowing what lurks in the depths of a person's being and being there when it counts. It is the touch of a hand to say "I get it" or "I'm here." It is looking in someone's eyes and reading their heart and soul. It is rememberance and renewal. It isn't always pretty, and it isn't always easy. However, it is worth it. It is sharing every aspect of our lives with another human being.
So, I hope you will forgive the meanderings of my mind as I can around to this point. Here is what I hope for you today...I hope you find someone who truly gets you, and keeps you. Someone who you can share your world with.
My romantic relationship experience isn't vast, and I have never been in such a situation deeply. I haven't found many that I have trusted enough to let them in that close. My friendships and the issues that have been encountered in the have been vast and eclectic.
I do know what it is to care about someone and have them not return the feeling. I also know what it feels like to be with someone I care about and not have the situation be one that is successful (no matter the feelings involved). I know what it is like to be in a relationship that deteoriates as you watch it fall apart.
To love someone who you can't or shouldn't be with while you are with another, I haven't been in that situation. I can somewhat imagine the pain and uncertainty that must accompany one in a such a situation. The struggle in my heart and mind is less from the area of loving each person. I wonder though if you could truly, deeply love each person fully in such a situation. Maybe you can, mabye you can't.
I often wonder if we are too carefree with our hearts in this day and age. Does the value or strength of saying 'I love you' decrease as you say it to more amours? Do we have less to give the person we choose to seriously commit to when we scatter pieces of our hearts around? Is our view of and ability to commitment to committing long term impaired when we have multiple "love" relationships that are short termed and short sighted? Is the understanding we have of love twisted and warped when we aren't as guarded as we should be? I have to wonder.
Don't misunderstand me here. I am not advocating arranged marriages or chaparoned dates. I just wonder if we shouldn't be a little more choosy in who we allow in our lives deeply and get to know the person before jumping into the deep end. As I alluded to, I don't have a ton of dating experience. On the large scale, I am grateful of this. My heart has been out there enought as it is. I do wish that I have more experience at moments. For myself, I cannot casually date. I know many who can successfully. Keeping things low key is definitely on my need to learn list. My friends and family will tell you that I am deep and intense. I acknowledge this as well. This trait can be toned down and controlled, but I will always be that way to a degree. This does make being "casual" a tad hard. Being friends first is hugely preferable for my particular personality.
I don't have the answers to life. I just wonder if we aren't so starved for true love and affection that we take more risks with our hearts romantically than we should. I read books, listen to music, and watch movies and television. The idealist in me occasionally daydreams about my own "white knight" who is devoted to my every happiness and myself to his. The realist in me knows that no person can bring you or guarantee you happiness or contentment. Happiness is not guaranteed and won't always be there...but that is for another time. Being content with your lot in life is an inside job. People are human and will fail you at one point or another. Enough of rabbit chasing. The point is that the more we "connect" with more and more people via technology, it seems the more disconnected we seem to be to true, deep and lasting connections. People hug less, people talk less face to face. You can share so much on facebook, but the quality of what is shared doesn't hold as much power. This isn't an new issue nor is it going to go away. It will most likely get worse. I just think we lost our connection with true intimacy.
I go through all of that to get to this point. True intimacy isn't about these surface issues. True intimacy is leaving a heartprint on someone's soul. It isn't sex or a gossip session. It is knowing what lurks in the depths of a person's being and being there when it counts. It is the touch of a hand to say "I get it" or "I'm here." It is looking in someone's eyes and reading their heart and soul. It is rememberance and renewal. It isn't always pretty, and it isn't always easy. However, it is worth it. It is sharing every aspect of our lives with another human being.
So, I hope you will forgive the meanderings of my mind as I can around to this point. Here is what I hope for you today...I hope you find someone who truly gets you, and keeps you. Someone who you can share your world with.
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