I have been pondering a thought as I was reading this past week. The books don't matter as much as the subject of the thought. How can it be possible to truly love two people at the same time? If that is a possibility for you, is it possible to truly commit in such a situation?
My romantic relationship experience isn't vast, and I have never been in such a situation deeply. I haven't found many that I have trusted enough to let them in that close. My friendships and the issues that have been encountered in the have been vast and eclectic.
I do know what it is to care about someone and have them not return the feeling. I also know what it feels like to be with someone I care about and not have the situation be one that is successful (no matter the feelings involved). I know what it is like to be in a relationship that deteoriates as you watch it fall apart.
To love someone who you can't or shouldn't be with while you are with another, I haven't been in that situation. I can somewhat imagine the pain and uncertainty that must accompany one in a such a situation. The struggle in my heart and mind is less from the area of loving each person. I wonder though if you could truly, deeply love each person fully in such a situation. Maybe you can, mabye you can't.
I often wonder if we are too carefree with our hearts in this day and age. Does the value or strength of saying 'I love you' decrease as you say it to more amours? Do we have less to give the person we choose to seriously commit to when we scatter pieces of our hearts around? Is our view of and ability to commitment to committing long term impaired when we have multiple "love" relationships that are short termed and short sighted? Is the understanding we have of love twisted and warped when we aren't as guarded as we should be? I have to wonder.
Don't misunderstand me here. I am not advocating arranged marriages or chaparoned dates. I just wonder if we shouldn't be a little more choosy in who we allow in our lives deeply and get to know the person before jumping into the deep end. As I alluded to, I don't have a ton of dating experience. On the large scale, I am grateful of this. My heart has been out there enought as it is. I do wish that I have more experience at moments. For myself, I cannot casually date. I know many who can successfully. Keeping things low key is definitely on my need to learn list. My friends and family will tell you that I am deep and intense. I acknowledge this as well. This trait can be toned down and controlled, but I will always be that way to a degree. This does make being "casual" a tad hard. Being friends first is hugely preferable for my particular personality.
I don't have the answers to life. I just wonder if we aren't so starved for true love and affection that we take more risks with our hearts romantically than we should. I read books, listen to music, and watch movies and television. The idealist in me occasionally daydreams about my own "white knight" who is devoted to my every happiness and myself to his. The realist in me knows that no person can bring you or guarantee you happiness or contentment. Happiness is not guaranteed and won't always be there...but that is for another time. Being content with your lot in life is an inside job. People are human and will fail you at one point or another. Enough of rabbit chasing. The point is that the more we "connect" with more and more people via technology, it seems the more disconnected we seem to be to true, deep and lasting connections. People hug less, people talk less face to face. You can share so much on facebook, but the quality of what is shared doesn't hold as much power. This isn't an new issue nor is it going to go away. It will most likely get worse. I just think we lost our connection with true intimacy.
I go through all of that to get to this point. True intimacy isn't about these surface issues. True intimacy is leaving a heartprint on someone's soul. It isn't sex or a gossip session. It is knowing what lurks in the depths of a person's being and being there when it counts. It is the touch of a hand to say "I get it" or "I'm here." It is looking in someone's eyes and reading their heart and soul. It is rememberance and renewal. It isn't always pretty, and it isn't always easy. However, it is worth it. It is sharing every aspect of our lives with another human being.
So, I hope you will forgive the meanderings of my mind as I can around to this point. Here is what I hope for you today...I hope you find someone who truly gets you, and keeps you. Someone who you can share your world with.
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I think it all comes down to who we are as individuals. When I like someone who likes me back I dive in (while trying to seem cool ha.) And I give it my best shot which works for me.
ReplyDeleteIn the past, when things didn't work out, it definitely hurt a lot. But do I feel like I can love this man with my whole heart? Yes. For me, it just required time and healing first.