Moving On

I meet a lot of people in transit, moving/on their way to a new place. The road warriors who spend their work periods in hotels are not a new phenomenon. Nor are the movers a new fad. What has seemed to change is the increase of distances traveled and drastic moves due to jobs.

Growing up, it seemed every six years we would find ourselves relocating due to my father's job. I still to this day get an urge to move at that same time period. I enjoyed this moving trend. It was hard at moments to release the old life and start a new one. Keeping in touch and new life in old relationships is still a struggle. Technology (and facebook) to combat this problem. However, the chance to wipe the slate clean or experience something new holds great appeal. Home has been more related to my strongest and intense ties. Home has also revolved around those in my life, especially family. With the spread of immediate family and the death of my mother, home has held far less meaning for me in the last few years. If I were pressed, I could not actually tell you where home truly is for me anymore. This, however, is not the point of this blog, merely a related rabbit trail.

What is the direction is people's reactions to the upheavel caused by these drastic moves. The last family move I was the last to leave town, not by much. I made it a little longer than 6 years there. I moved plenty during those years though. It seemd the last 5 or so years I moved into different homes for one reason or another. I added roommates, subtracted roommates, changed roommates entirely, lived in a duplex, a house, a trailer, an apartment, the dorms, and the family house for a while. I dreaded moving after a while. Across town or across the country, moving can be a taxing business. You commit upheavel to your home and your life. Status quo is unsettled. This process isn't necessairily always bad. It can be quite good, in fact, to reexamine your world periodically. When set out for a new town and state, I landed in my present home and haven't moved. I can honestly say it feels so good. Who I lived with may have changed, but I haven't had to pack up and move across town in a couple of years now.

I waxed eloquent to basically say that I get the upheavel that comes with changing your home, the base of your life, so often whether it be across town or across the country. Moving has almost become expected with jobs these days. Companies relocating bases and eliminating office locations not only adds to personal stability with moves but also with the uncertainty of what lies down the road. A sense of adventure is certainly required to go through these situations with faith and a sense of humor.

As a single person, a major move wouldn't bother me at this point. I am even thinking about moving countries in a year or two. My roots are not planted here, nor were there ever plans to plant my roots here. This has always been a short stop along my life, my "blessed desert." When I see others who are leaving what they know for the unknown, my heart goes out to them. It is a whole different thing to have established a life you enjoy and be forced to leave it. There is joy in the journey no matter how gray the sky is. The whole cloud isn't black and angry. You just may not be able to see the white bits from your perspective. The death of a place/people/life that you have planted your roots in is something to be mourned though. Of course, you can never go back to how it was. Everything happens for a reason. I guess the key is to appreciate every moment.

I don't have some large, important moral to this story. Today you get more of my random musings of life observed. Find joy and solace in your world today and bless someone else who crosses your path.

Lessons From The Fish Tank

I noticed my fish tank pump sound like it was having issues yesterday. My fish just got more fresh water this week, so I wasn't sure what was the problem. It turns out that they needed a new filter. Since I was apparently out of back-up filters, I tried to make do with the current one for one more day. It just didn't work though. The filter was unrecoverable. This got me to thinking about my life.

Lesson #1 - Is your filter clogged?

Our perception of life colors every element of our lives, often overriding the more logical elements like solid facts. When we are using an worn out or out-of-date filter, you aren't able to perceive life for all the potential it holds. Sometimes, the filter just doesn't fit our pump (heart) anymore. As we add or remove things/feelings/thoughts in our lives, the space in our heart and our consciousness can change its shape to accomodate these changes. Holes fill up. Dead weight reveals new frontiers to explore. Long-bolted doors reveal contents waiting to explode like an overstuffed closet. Our hearts like the pump on my fish tank need the filter to be changed on a regular basis in order to function at its highest levels. If the filters are neglected, our consciousness can be altered and our environment can become unhealthy.

Lesson #2 - What kind of environment do you find yourself in?

The thing about unhealthy enviroments is they don't always kill us. My poor fish have been through many ups and downs as far as the condition of my tank is concerned. I have lost two of the group along the way, but it took a lot to take those out. I currently still have two fantailed goldfish the size of an adult fist and a sucky fish named Leo that is as long as the tank is tall. Looking at my fish, you would think they thrived despite circumstances. They have. That doesn't mean that had they consistently had a pristine environment, they would have excelled even more.

Lesson #3 - How has your environment shaped you?

My fish, as previously stated, are huge. They are about out of space to grow in my 10 gallon tank. In order to allow them the freedom to move around, I removed all of the decorations and architectural elements. I would wager that they would continue to grow if I transfered the fish to a bigger tank. We grow only as much as our environments (our minds, beliefs, hearts, souls) allow us to grow. The only people who can limit what we are capable of becoming is ourselves. Change your view of life and you change what you can accomplish.

So...what am I going to do with the lesson provided by my fish? (I guess I should start with changing the filter more often. ;P My fish might like me more).

First, I am going to get a new view on life. It is time to change my filter. As much good has come into my life, I still need to keep working on cleaning up the junk. It will take working harder, but this is not going to kill me. It will be healthy, in fact.

Next, my enviroment is going to undergo scrutiny that leads to action and solid goals (broken down into reachable steps). Focus is going to be placed on what is truly important. The way I use my resources is going to fall in line with my goals and focus.

After all of that (and maybe even some along the way), I am going to jump into bigger tanks. I am going to widen my life and my view of my world.

And throughout the whole process, my fish (hopefully) will have a much happier tank.

Happy swimming everyone! May your tank allow light into your life!

Everything happens for a reason

Everything in your life has a purpose whether or not you are able to recognize it. I have been told that saying "everything happens for a reason" is an excuse. I can see how someone would think that, yet I have to believe they are wrong. I was pondering this while talking to my aunt today. I could have made 10,000 different decisions or had different reactions to events in life. I could be in another place, headed an entirely different direction, in life if I had made different choices. That doesn't change the fact that I am here, at this place and at this time, to learn something. Life has shown me that life repeats until whatever goal has me here and now is met. Usually, it is much harder the next go round though. I don't like everything that has happened in life. I wouldn't change it though. I don't know who I would have become had I made different choices. I don't want to know. I am on a path of being the best version of me I can be. I am seeing worlds open up to me that I never would have thought I was meant to explore first hand.
So call me naive, but I am going to keep on believing. On the good days, it will be a bolster to my confidence. It will serve to console and help keep the faith on the bad days.

What a Facebook status update is/is not...

A Facebook status update is a way to see what is going on in my life or what I am thinking.
A Facebook status update is not a way to keep up with my life without having to take time communicate with me.
If you know more about the my life from my status updates of my blog, you should turn off the computer and pick up a phone.

Relating

Not everyone relates the same or values the same things. This is okay! You can't expect those close to you to mold their lives around your interests. You also can't have a truly strong, stable relationship with someone when you are molding yourself around them. You can be a strong, independent person with amazing relationships. You can enjoy different things from even your closest friends without them having to be in every moment of your life.
Some rougher moments in my life this week have coincided with thinking about Sex and the City this week. What I love about this show is the friendships of four fabulous, strong, unique women. I love how they relate and take care of each other while increasing themselves as part of the process. I love that they have pieces of their lives that aren't as closely tied to the others and pieces that are integral parts of the relationship. I love that they have other relationships that fill roles in their lives that the ladies could but don't always fill for each other.
If I look back over my TV sitcom history, many of my favorite shows have definitely revolved around this theme - Lipstick Jungle, Designing Women, Sisters, The Cashmere Mafia - to name a few top ranked.
That is all I have for now. I have much more I want to say about some life drama, but first I need to finish processing it before I can release it.

Try

There is a nasty little word that tries to creep into my life and affect my thoughts, actions, and speech. This is not profanity. It is far worse. The word is try. Try has a good side. I can be a hopeful little thought to a newbie. Children are great examples of how the good side of this word can be utilized. Try spelling the word, try talking to the new kid, try your peas, etc. For those of us that have a bit more maturity and development in areas, try can be the crutch that keeps you from walking on a stable ankle. Yoda said, "Do or do not, there is no 'try.'" As much as I am banishing this word from my vocabulary, it still slithers in from time to time and becomes an excuse. I did it again today in fact. The word itself holds power for good or evil. We must not allow ourselves to whine "I tried" then give up or become frustrated. By all means, use 'try' if you can move forward in a positive direction and not let it hold you back. However, if you let failing when trying hold you back, wipe that word out of your vocabulary and thinking. Grasp hod of the power you have inside. Tell yourself that you will do and you will succeed.
I thought this poem was well suited for this post.

Try Try Again
by T. H. Palmer

'Tis a lesson you should heed,
If at first you don't succeed,
Try, try again;

Then your courage should appear,
For if you will persevere,
You will conquer, never fear
Try, try again;

Once or twice, though you should fail,
If you would at last prevail,
Try, try again;

If we strive, 'tis no disgrace
Though we do not win the race;
What should you do in the case?
Try, try again

If you find your task is hard,
Time will bring you your reward,
Try, try again

All that other folks can do,
Why, with patience, should not you?
Only keep this rule in view:
Try, try again.

"I'm NO Paula Deen sug."

Paula retweeted, "You have to release your inner cook sugar!"
This made me think (as so much in life does)...maybe I should just copyright that phrase as much as I say it. (Hopping off the rabbit trail now...) Even Paula Deen wasn't Paula Deen when she started. She grew, fought trouble, and learned to become the amazing woman she is today.
Each of us has our own journey, our own fight and our own lessons to learn to become the best versions of ourselves. Who you are today is not who you are tomorrow and not who you were yesterday. BE who you are today and celebrate who that person is. Good or bad, pretty or not looking so cute, you are an amazing symphony of personality, life experiences, truth, and feeling. Sing your song like the diva you are!

Look to the small things

I watched the last episode of Lost today *spoiler alert*, and I had a difficult time with the ending of it. I think I saw the end coming. I just kept blocking it out, thinking they surely wouldn't do that. They did. Upon some thinking, I realized my difficulty with the way they choose to end the program. You see, they ended with redemption. I didn't give redemption credit initially due to the fact that it doesn't/I don't let it feel real to me. It has felt real to me in the past. It definitely exists as a possibility, theory, ideal. However, I don't feel joyously redeemed right now.
This got me to thinking about how things that aren't real to us at present, aren't really real to us, and how this affects trying to help others who are dealing with the same thing. We can only truly relate when we can feel their pain/indifference with them without being so mired in the feeling that we can't see or have the hope to be able to find a way out of the junk. That, however, is a topic for another day. Leaving the rabbit's trail now...
The really raw, vunereable point of this laying bare sessions is that we deal with so much in life that we just don't get. For me, it is someone really truly loving me and sticking by me through whatever. Taking into account that humans will fail you at the minimum of once in your life, there are people who will stick by you though even the yuckiest version of yourself. I have people in my life who love me and I love them. If anything serious harm ever came to either of us, we would be there. What happens to the small wounds though? So often, people can dismiss them, excuse them, or simply not see them (purposefully and not). These are the true tests of a relationship and a person. It is so easy to not give these small wounds proper treatment, but that is a grave mistake. A tiny spider bite from the right spider can lead to whole chunks of skin having to be removed due to the rapidly spreading poison. Properly tended, the damage can be contained. The "episode" can become a positive moment in a relationship. Left to fester, the tiny pea under the princess's bed can lead to a irritation, frustration, and eventually termination of a relationship.
I am no angel when it comes to bad behavior in relationships. We have all done our damage to others we are love. So often though, relationships fade, turn sour, or sometimes explode magnicifantly. Don't look at the big events when it comes to those moments. Look to the small stuff. You trust people with the small stuff first. If people prove themselves faithful, you then pull out the big guns. If someone is in need of help, look below the surface. Don't try to save someone who needs redeeming. They most likely have trouble believing someone loves them that much. If someone has problems with anger, look to the hurt in their lives. Start with the small stuff. Remember that the small pebble can either keep you up at night or the grain of sand can become a pearl in an oyster.

First Impressions

Much importance is placed on first impressions. Quite often, the wrong values are used to evaluate during this moment and with an unnecessary amount of judgment. First impressions can be harsh and unforgiving. For a lot of people, the first impression can determine if they are willing to forge a bond with you and what kind of bond they are willing to create. This makes me think of the old adage "You can't judge a book by its cover."
First of all, there is more than one kind of first impression. You have the first time you meet and the first time you get to know a person. If you are to judge on first impressions, you would be far better off judging them off the first time you get to know who they are.
This brings up the thinking that we as humans are continually evolving (or devolving). If you aren't growing, you are dying. Personally I believe that a core remains, with few changes in most people, throughout the process. The essence of the core largely remains the same though regardless of the rest of the changes. You also have to consider the conflict of your history and your present. I spent many years tied to who I was and what happened to me. This is an area where I have begun to see a large change. Yes, my history has helped to mold me to where I am today. No, I am not the sum total of my history. I am more than my history and past actions/reactions. If I can make peace with my past and its place in my life, I can release it to allow new to come in and become who I am meant to be today. Cutting the ties to your past, refusing to let them hold you back, allows you to live a life beyond your wildest dreams. It opens you up to becoming a person you never thought you could be. Much freedom can be found in forgiving and letting go. Our past can teach us lessons and put gems of learned and earned knowledge in our lives that we can carry forward on our journey. That said, how can we judge someone based on a first impression when we are constantly facing change? You really can't.
I have personally experienced this myself. I have a friend who I met years ago through a mutual friend. I did not like him at all at that first meeting. We met again after some time had passed, and we are now friends and have been for several years. If I had reacted based on my first impression, I would be minus a good friend today.
If you are the words come to mind "your loss, not mine," you need to stop right now and tackle that thought. After much life experience, I think that piece of advice is total crap. Some people may not cause too much loss in your life. You should never doubt that when you lose a (potential) relationship, you are losing out. The loss may be worth the gaining of something else, but a loss is a loss is a loss. To ignore a loss is to not allow yourself to heal. Even when losing the most destructive relationships in my life, I have still had to deal with the exit of that relationship from my life. The grief still existed in some degree. Who knows, maybe I am not normal in this matter. I tend to hang on to relationships for long periods of time and have a hard time letting go. I also think that a great person with average physical looks is much more attractive than a physically beautiful yet personality deficient person. People are like icebergs, only 10% of their mass shows above the surface. You have to go underwater to see the other 90% of the iceberg.
So, back to the point of all of this. You can judge someone based on a first impression. That is your choice. I wouldn't consider that to be wise. I prefer taking a deeper look. (That is a line that reminds me of a movie, but I can't think which one right now.)

Thailand

I will be the first to admit that politics are an area I often avoid. My feelings and thoughts can become quite intense and passionate, and I can't control or heavily influence this area. Why has Thailand affected me so much? I am not completely sure. My best guess is that in a short amount of time this beautiful country and its kind hearted people rapidly dissolved into violence and aggression. Much of my early information is owed to facebook friends who live there and touted the virtues of the country and people. Through them I found more connections. The pictures and videos taken are heartbreaking. The dissidence may have been burning already in the form of peaceful protests and citizens speaking out. However, the violence and stench of death is fresh. Can you imagine your neighborhood suddenly turning into a war zone? Can you imagine having to huddle in your apartment hearing the sounds of gun shots outside your door? Can you imagine the smell of tires burning? Can you imagine seeing your work place or the place where you eat or shop up in flames? Can you imagine having to run for your life while trying to retrieve your valuables from your home? Conflict happens everywhere. I have been aware of previous conflict. This time I got a real glance inside the world gone mad and heads of those caught up in the conflict. It is a heartbreaking place. How do you recover from such a conflict? How do you heal emotions in turmoil? How do you remove the newly placed anguish and fear?
The road to dissidence is short, but the road to recovery and healing is a much longer walk. If one word can tear apart what it took time and attention to build, what will acting on violence with guns, fire, and tanks do?
Thailand...you are in my heart. May the anger and violence abate and love take its place in your hearts. My wish for you is peace.

If you are lucky...

*For Thailand

If...

You can walk down the street without worrying about being shot by snipers,
You are lucky.

You don't have to worry about being raped and abandoned by your family in shame,
You are lucky.

You have enough food to eat and can go to school,
You are lucky.

You have money in the bank,
You are lucky.

You have shoes on your feet,
You are lucky.

You have people that love about you and protect you from danger,
You are lucky.

You have your health,
You are lucky.

You have clean drinking water,
You are lucky.

You have one more breath in your body,
You are lucky.

If you are lucky...
Are you showing gratitude for all your gifts?
Are you sharing with those in need?
Are you opening your heart to others around you?
Are you creating a better world for those yet to come?

We are all lucky, whether it looks like it or not. Share your luck with love and generosity. Send good thoughts to everyone you meet.

Soul Mates, Kindred Spirits, Bechert

I went to the movies last night and saw "Letters to Juliet." This wonderful movie got me to thinking about soul mates. I used to believe that we had one person that was perfect for us. This thought has become negotiable anymore. I do, however, believe that there are people in this world that our lives would not be the same without. Anne of Green Gables had her kindred spirits. The Nanny used the Yiddish term bechert (meant to be). I know I have met those people throughout my life. That person that you just met that feels like you have known them for your whole life. The person that immediately dives into the depths of the deep end of your soul. These people have greatly influenced my belief that everything happens for a reason. Everything has a purpose, an specific influence, on the path your life is taking. These connections may be simply friendships or love connections. Either way, they are soul connections. They may last five minutes or a lifetime. Regardless, they impact our lives in innumerable and untraceable ways. These are moments to be treasured. These people and our relationships with them should be valued and carefully cultivated. They are the pieces of our dreams.

What do you risk?

The case of "tiny safety bar" vs big thrill. I just read a status update by Robin Rice's Be Who You Are: "Life is a roller coaster. Tiny safety bar down, both hands up, big smiles on, let's ride!"
This immediately struck a chord inside me. What caught my eye was "tiny safety bar."
We risk so many things of value so often for often undesirable and unrewarding results. We don't often pause to consider the risk in thrill rides, but it is there. Thrill sports, like skydiving, involve considerable risk as well. We risk losing what makes us special and unique for the approval of others. Some risk, wisely and unwisely, their money in schemes or stocks. We risk security and happiness in changing jobs, relationships, statuses of life.
In everything we do there is inherent risk, the differences lie in the degree of risk. What do you risk? Is the potential reward worth the risk you are taking? Or are you putting dollars in for a return of a few cents. The outcome should always outweigh than then investment.

A "what in the world?!" dream

I don't dream much. If I do dream, it isn't normal to remember them afterwards. Last night, I FELT my dream. (I may not explain all of the references as the main point comes a tad later.) It start off odd enough in a long connected YWAM type living situation in some sort of a educational setting . Somehow my locked refrigerator with beer is opened by force by breaking the lock (??). Then I wind up going to the store at three a.m. with one of the heads or something like that. Apparently I am not in trouble, but I have no clue why we went to the store at that time. I am also apparently in a very Kansas-like local, flat and dusty. THEN...the tornadoes show up. They first one appears on the left side of the road. She drives off the right side of the road headed for a grove ahead. We seem to be in a small SUV or something like it. Then that one disappears. Next thing I know I am walking (not sure what happened to the woman I am with or the vehicle) along side the road and see a second tornado.I lay in a shallow depression next to the road as the tornado is headed for me. Here is where it gets weird. I feel the force of the wind as the first wall crosses over me. Then I feel and get the sense of utter calm as the center crosses over. Then, I really feel the tornado trying to lift me and my response of trying to suction cup myself to the earth. The tornado hands out there for a few more eternal feeling seconds trying to pry me from the ground. I am thinking of my momma, singing Amazing Grace to keep calm, and praying. Then the tornado leaves. I proceed to crawl towards town, which is in front of me, as I am feeling slightly paranoid that the tornado might come back for me now. I come to the covered entrance and the woman I was with comes out of a house with partially collapsed porch covering. I come in the house with her and assume we are going to the basement for safe cover.
For those I lost or who fell asleep, you can come back to reality with me now. I am used to really unusual situations or relationships featuring themselves in my rare dreams. However, outside of dream where I am swimming in the ocean with brightly colored fish (seriously, that is all I remember...odd), I have never felt a physical real-time reaction like I did with this dream. The pull of the winds and the eerie calm at the center of the storm was very real to me. It is going to be a while, if ever, that I can explain this dream. I just hope to never physically feel a dream like I did last night. That was way creepy.

Things I Love

Scarves
I have them from all over the world, but I got into wearing them again last year during a visit to NYC. I bought a couple from a street vendor, and it stoked a creative flame again. Scarves are much like purses for me. They can make an old outfit feel new. They make me feel beautiful and uniquely express/influence how I am feeling.
Getting a perfectly caught moment on film with my camera
Freezing a magic moment in time forever is such a privilege and joy.
Accents
They make even the most ordinary moments interesing (going to the bathroom/going to the loo, goodbye/cheers, etc.
Chocolate
No more words needed.
Haircuts
Being pampered, the really cool whirly halo hair dryer, and Aveda tea...nothing better.
Good movies
I saw Letters to Juliet tonight. Wonderful movie!
Traveling
See above.
Meeting new/different people
See above.

Won't you grow with me?

Take me as I am, for what you see is what you get. I promise to do the same for you. I am a work in progress. I win some battles. I lose some battles. I move forward and sometimes backwards. I am not always pleasant to look into, but I am always beautiful. I am the beauty and the beast. I am me...ups and downs, ins and outs. I am faulty, human, loyal and a fierce protector. I am good. I have great kindness and love already inside me. I am worth being considered a daughter/sister/friend. I am a gem being polished, a flower blooming in the sun, a lotus emerging from the muck. I am the only one of me. I am worthy of being loved. I am loved. I am growing. Won't you grow with me?

You will find the answers if you keep your eyes and heart open...

"It's been proven that if you can stop complaining about trivial and insignificant things your life will be much more enjoyable."

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. --Joseph Campbell

“Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring those ripples build a current which can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance.” – Robert F. Kennedy

I really see no other solution than to turn inwards and to root out all the rottenness there. I no longer believe that we can change anything in the world until we first change ourselves. And that seems to me the only lesson to be learned from this war.
—Etty Hillesum (concentration camp victim)

"Why don't I see goodness and beauty everywhere today?" "Because you cannot see outside of you what you fail to see inside." ~de Mello
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.- Mark Twain

Is out of sight out of mind?

Albert Einstein gave this definition - "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." I am changing the game today on a particularly annoying gnat. My new tactic is going to be out of sight, out of mind. I may not know yet what the final play in the game is or when I will make the decision. I will, however, remove this particular gnat from the front of my consciousness. What you focus on and think about is what will determine your state of mind, body and soul. I could throw so many quotes out on the subject (but I won't). You can't keep irritating a wound and expect it to heal. Neither can you allow someone who rubs you to be in a position to be important...so you prune. While I am not yet ready to remove this branch from the tree entirely, it is going to become invisible for a while. I am worth more than letting this person continue to adversly affect me. Today is a new day.

DID I ASK FOR A CHALLENGE?!?

The wind in western Kansas can be quite startling. It reminds me of a scorpion. You are able to track and handle the main body of the wind. What will get you is the tail that whips around out of nowhere on you. This is the portion of the wind that can knock you off your path quite easily. You have no idea of when or where it is going to creep up and knock you off your feet.
When you grow and actively pursue enlightenment, you are just asking for a challenge. I simply forgot about the trial by fire. I had been effectively handling the steady stream of wind, but I had no idea to prepare for that tail whipping around on me when I least expected it. Suffice it to say that the emotions, feelings, and situations that have been stirred up in the last couple of weeks have been unexpected. You see I have just crossed in the last couple of weeks the 8th anniversary of my mom's death and then mother's day. The first few years were rough, really rough, from about April until June. The last couple weren't bad at all. This year has been rough. Missing her is something I can generally handle. The anger and pain came roaring back this year like a lion. I have almost written this blog so many times lately, but I just couldn't bring myself to write it. I still doubt whether putting it out here is best, but I am hoping the writing will bring about a cathartic release of whatever is holding me back. It also helps that I don't actually think that many people, if any, will actually see this post. So much work has gone into walking in a positive and grateful direction in recent history. I can't seem to resolve this with the "unearthed" negative feelings that have shown themselves. The negativity and ungratefulness can be shaken on the surface for a period, but it just bubbles under the surface. I don't know what to do with it at this point. The one thing I know is that bitter, hard, or miserable are not adjectives I choose to attach to myself. Not being sure what do to at this point, the only thing I can do is to take life one moment at a time and make it the best moment I can. The rest is going to have to work itself out as I keep moving forward, and I have to believe it will work out.

"Stop expecting that you will feel good all the time. We were not put on this earth only to feel good. We were put here to grow and learn. And sometimes that only happens when we don't feel good. So let the difficult times gestate within you - almost as if they have come to teach you a very specific thing about yourself."
- Elizabeth Lesser, Co founder of Omega Institute

Remember the Golden Rule?

When some one steps into your place of business how would you like them to behave? How would you like to be treated? Anyone who has worked in customer service can probably attest to the fact that people quite often don't remember the golden rule. They definitely do not treat others as they would like to be treated. No matter where you work or what you do, you want to be respected. The thing to remember in dealing with customer service is that the low man on the totem pole can have a large affect on how far you can get. They have bad days, you have bad days. They can help you get farther but how far you get depends on how you treat them. If you act superior to your customer service representative or treat them ill, don't expect them to bend over backwards for you or go the extra mile. However, those who treat their reps as human beings and people with a mind and feelings can find out just how knowledgable and helpful their reps can be. Quite often the person you talk to at a desk, at a dinner table or on a phone is the string that holds the package together. That rep is the one who is in contact with all of the other people who bring a product or a service to your table. Do we talk among ourselves and keep notes so those we work with know what is going on? In one word, yes. Again, this doesn't mean you won't be taken care of as required. The truly smart person knows however that their customer service rep can open a lot of extra doors for them. They have access to insider tips that can get you much further, access you want to have. They can help you get further up the chain of command if they can't solve your problem. So, remember this next time you pick up the phone or leave your house please. The world is a much happier place if we treat everyone we come into contact with respect. They may be your customer one day, and you would want them to do the same for you.

So what do you do with the horse?

I can admit to having people in my life that I don't want to talk to or be around. I could avoid these people and not talk to them. That response really isn't the best choice however. If my life is a car, the connections with myself and others are the spark plugs. You don't always realize how important it is to have clean, clear connections via the spark plugs until your car winds up in the shop. Whether we like the people we meet or not, we have a connection with them. This connection shares a trait with forgiveness. It is as much about them as it is about us. The sparks fly both directions, affect both lives. When you hold resentment or ill feelings towards someone, it brings you down as well. When you refuse to forgive someone or move past the injury, you are held back as well. Enough drama arises in life that we don't need to carry our own around. So, what about the horse? You can't do a single thing to make the other person change. The only person you can change is yourself. In changing yourself, you can begin to affect and recognize change going on in the world around you. The horse may or may not drink the water. That isn't your issue. Your job is to focus on greeting this person with positive thoughts and feelings every single time. You should treat them with the same care and focus you would your closest friends and family. Miracles can occur. They may manifest in just your life, but positivity is contagious. Like smiles, your positive intentions can start a long chain of positive interactions. Thus, changing the world one moment at a time. If you still have difficulty showing love to the horse, just remember those who put up with your crap when you were feeling mean, nasty and annoyed. Pass on the positivity today!

You can lead a horse to the water, but you can't make him drink.

Some people just rub you the wrong way. Usually, an underlying cause is the reason, and they just pushed the trigger button. One of my "button pushers" just yanks the indignant, honry Southern woman out of me. I mean...a simple return or a "Hello" or a "Good Morning" would not kill them. Part of me wants to be sugary sweet and annoy beyond belief. The other part of me wants to grab her by the ear, lead her to a chair, sit her down, and give her a good piece of my mind. "Excuse me Miss Thing but my momma raised me to be courteous to others. You need to remove your head from your neather reasons and get happy." I will admit to having my moments at times in the past where I have not been nice and not cared one bit (although the guilt complex was always lurking in the back of my consciousness). This, however, is admittedly not the proper reaction and one I am working on ceasing. The whole kill them with kindness (and actually do it from a truly kind spirit) is also a work in progress. Lord help me, I am practicing it as best I can. Don't get me wrong, I still want give her a royal talking up one side and down the other. It makes me madder than a hornets nest when people treat me like something they stepped in or don't take the time to get to know me or understand me. Uppity folk just don't sit well with me. Part of the reason, like I said, is because I have or had to deal with such behaviours. In addition, my momma and daddy did not raise me that way. I was raised as "all proper Southerners" are raised. I knew my yes ma'am and my no sirs like I knew how to breathe. Men opened doors for women. (This is a dying art, but I so love when men do it.) I know how to spot a true gentleman. And if a man walks up to me and says "Hey baby," I think and sometimes say "I ain't your baby." (Yes, ain't...it still pops up in my vocabulary from time to time. So does y'all. Get over it if it bothers you. Not trying to be mean about it, but that is just the way it is...like it or not.) Now it is true that people can be nosy as all get out in the South, especially smaller communities. I have found not living in the South for a few years now that I miss that more than I ever expected. Outside of nosiness and being gossipy, people down there have a genuine care for those around them. People stop to help stranded motorists as a rule. Southern hospitality is more than a myth, it is a reality. Hugs, sweet tea, and comfort food are usually ready at hand. These traits may not be singular to the South. In my travels, I have found them to be more consistent and accepted norms, however, in the South. So, back to the original point...people just didn't ignore others and not respond to them out of a personal prejudice without it being noticable and out of the ordinary. That kind of behavior does not sit right at the base of me. Most people I meet, I find likable on one level or another. How someone can outright not like me just because and go out of their way to be mean just isn't right. That said, I can't change them, I can only change my reaction to/perception of the situation. I have a couple of people that trigger this particular issue right now. I may not like the fact that they are in my life to help me learn a lesson, but the lesson must be learned.
Ironically, I just ran across this quote:
"Everything you are against weakens you. Everything you are for empowers you. Be miserable or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice. Conflict cannot survive without your participation.  I cannot always control what goes on outside, but I can always control what goes on inside." - Wayne Dyer
How appropriate!

What are your rights worth?

I had one of those "AHA!" moments this morning where I had the option to continue on the same path or choose a new, higher one. A minor situation/conversation arose that irritated me.In the beginning, my response did magnifying the issue. I checked myself though. This wasn't a big deal. It won't matter tomorrow or next year. It only serves to give a negative turn to my thoughts and bring down my day. I am not giving up my two days off after a 60+ hour week to analyzing what essentially is meaningless crap. I could defend myself, but it is not worth the emotional and mental toll it will take as I analyze and carry the ick created by it. This makes me think of a book title Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...And It's All Small Stuff by Richard Carlson, PH. D.
**A side note on "rights" -Our view of our rights has become massively warped and twisted. I won't go further into my thoughts on rights in this post but will broach the topic at another tim.**
This situation delved much deeper into my thoughts than what was at hand. How many times do you find yourself analyzing, stewing, and persuing unhealthy thoughts and situations in the defense of your rights? Why do you care what people, who are petty and small-minded,  think of you in the end? Why can't you see that you don't need their approval and don't want their love? You are better than that. You deserve more than that.
I am the queen of seeking love and approval from others. The realization is starting to set in that they don't really matter. We all want someone to love us. We were designed that way. That doesn't mean that everyone is going to love us and want to be in a relationship with us. Not everyone has to like me! It is okay. I know that I am loyal, unique, kind, bold, and passionate. I know that I am worth knowing. I know that I am worth knowing. (I could go so much further with that thought process, but I am going to stop there since you get the point.)
We have a choice! (Does that thought excite you at all? It does me!) My emotional and mental health isn't worth allowing their opinions to matter that much to me. I choose not to allow them to affect my life that personally. I choose to turn away the emotional toil and destruction that comes with their presence. I release the resentment, anger, and hurt that comes with such people. I am not going to let my joy and focus deteriorate because of unnecessary drama. I am worth more than that!
It is so easy to get caught up in the mess of everyday life and personalities. We can allow negative thoughts and beliefs to take a foothold so easily when we choose to incorrectly focus our thoughts. So often, defending my rights isn't worth the cost they demand. I want to persue joy, peace, beauty, and...dare I say...happiness. They can keep their anguish and misery. I don't want it.
I wish everyone out there a amazing day! Don't let anyone else rob you of your joy! You are worth so much more. You are beauty personified, lightening bugs in a midnight blue sky. Blessings to you...

Related quotes:

"Love your enemy, it will scare the hell out of them." - Mark Twain

"Whosoever may torment you, harass you, confound you, or upset you, is a teacher. Not because they're wise, but because you seek to become so." - Mike Dooley

"What we actually learn, from any given set of circumstances, determines whether we become increasingly powerless or more powerful." - Blaine Lee

"Often we don't even realize who we're meant to be because we're so busy trying to live out someone else's ideas. But other people and their opinions hold no power in defining our destiny." - Oprah Winfrey

"What you focus on most you become, so engage your mind, and go for extraordinary abundance." - Chip Esajian

"One's dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked, but cannot be taken away unless it is surrendered." - Michael J. Fox

"If fear is cultivated it will become stronger, if faith is cultivated it will achieve mastery." - John Paul Jones

"We are more than we imagine ourselves to be." - Veronica Chambers

 "We are here to learn, not to be punished." - Bob Adelman

 "Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure." - Oprah Winfrey

 "Forgive him, for he believes that the customs of his tribe are the laws of nature!" - George Bernard Shaw

 "You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself, any direction you choose." - Dr. Seuss

 "We will act consistently with our view of who we truly are, whether that view is accurate or not." - Tony Robbins

 "Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day, begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

 "It isn't what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about." - Dale Carnegie

Roles

Something has been brewing in the undercurrents of my consciousness lately. Tonight it feels like it just came to the surface and woke me up. Bear with me, as I am in the middle of the thinking process on several thought patterns/issues.
We all have roles in life. Some are thrust upon us, and some are deliberate choices. Either way, it is a choice.We make the choice to choose a role or allow a role to be thrust upon us. We make the choice to reject a role that we should not fill. Some shoes we are not meant to wear. When we choose a role that we were not meant for, what do we do then? How do you deal with resentment? How do you relieve yourself of that role in a way that does not harm those around you? What do you do when you are the person who rejected the role that someone else picked up?
Some roles have been left open, and we feel it should be filled. Is that necessarily required though? Sometimes when one role is vacated, new roles are created or the old role modifies itself to new circumstances.
Do we define the roles or do we let them define us? Can we find a healthy balance between the two?
How do you heal?
I am writing today as the words and thoughts flow through me. I want to get them out while I can so they can be dealt with. Weigh in if you like.
What roles have you chosen and how have you dealt with them?

Fall Out

Is it ever a good idea to anticipate a fall out and to let it happen? Pain is inevitable. What if you can find something at the end that is worth the loss? Can peace be found at the end of pain?

Moving On

Have you ever been in a situation where a relationship had become defunct? Have you ever said "It's your loss" to another person? That perspective is wrong. When a relationship ends, both parties lose. If the relationship has not been healthy, you may not lose much good. However, a loss still exists. There was a reason you invested in this person and they invested in you. To ignore a loss of a person in your life is to deny yourself a grieving period that allows a healthy recovery. Covering something up doesn't deny the fact that it existed. It only allows it to continue to aggitate until it gets proper attention and healing.

What It Is

We all have a past, a history, for better or for worse. It is what we do with that past, that sets us up for today and what is around the bend in life. The past is, exactly that, past. You can't change it. You can't fix it. You also can't deny it. What you have to do today is take what you are, who you are, and what you have and make the best of it. You have a story unlike any other. That story may help someone else out  further along the road. Often, I wondered how I landed in the middle of nowhere Kansas in a place where I don't really "fit" and don't plan on sticking around. I think this is probably my blessed desert. This is the place where I lay my past to rest and get on with the rest of my life. I now choose to be grateful for what I do have and change the focus from what I don't. I choose to take relationships where they are, forget the blame, and move forward in a positive direction. Perfect, I am not. Growing, I am. What I am is me. I am moving past trying to being. As the wise Yoda said, "Do or do not... there is no try." The path of my life still has a lot of miles left. Growth is a life long process. As the phoenix rises from the ashes, so will my life rise from the past. I am moving as the Lotus flower does. I am leaving mud and muck behind and reaching for the light.
This journey can only be taken one step at a time, one choice at a time. Forgiveness must be given and recieved. Joy and gratitude must be chosen over drama and resentment. Anger must be abandoned. Love must be accepted. Moments will still occur, emotions will resurface. Only now, the point of view will be different, and the approach can change.
It is difficult to look at what is ahead without what is behind trying to jump into the view. Bluntly put, it is difficult to consider carrying some relationships forward given what lies in the past. Some relationships are not meant to move forward. Some will. The ones that do carry on in some aspect will move forward differently. I can't continue to hold on to the past. It is exhausting and draining, and it benefits no one in the end. I struggle with allowing someone else the grace to change, even though I want that for myself. I struggle with allowing some people to continue to hold importance and prominence in my life. Trusting others can be difficult for me. Trusting those who hurt me in the past is even more strenuous and rare. That isn't a way to live though. I can't live an open and free life being constrained by fear, rejection and pain. How will I deal with those who continue to be in my life? One day at a time. Choosing to look at them through new eyes, without old emotions. I am not the person I was yesterday or ten years ago. I am the person I am today. I am a product of my past and the hope of  my future.
This ongoing internal journey is sometimes difficult and always rewarding. I have today. I have now. My choices lay out the path in front of me. The path I choose is hope, beauty, and extrodinary faith that something amazing lies ahead. One step, one moment, one day at a time.

Colin Powell's Narrative

The less you associate with some people, the more your life will improve.
Any time you tolerate mediocrity in others, it increases your mediocrity. An important attribute in successful people is their impatience with negative thinking and negative acting people.

As you grow, your associates will change. Some of your friends will not want you to go on. They will want you to stay where they are... Friends that don't help you climb will want you to crawl. Your friends will stretch your vision or choke your dream. Those that don't increase you will eventually decrease you.

Consider this:
Never receive counsel from unproductive people. Never discuss your problems with someone incapable of contributing to the solution, because those who never succeed themselves are always first to tell you how.

Not everyone has a right to speak into your life. You are certain to get the worst of the
bargain when you exchange ideas with the wrong person. Don't follow anyone who's not going anywhere...

With some people you spend an evening: with others you invest it. Be careful where you stop to inquire for directions along the road of life. Wise is the person who fortifies his life with the right friendships. If you run with wolves, you will learn how to howl. But, if you associate with eagles, you will learn how to soar to great heights.

"A mirror reflects a man's face, but what he is really like is shown by the
kind of friends he chooses."

The simple but true fact of life is that you become like those with whom you closely associate - for the good and the bad.

Note: Be not mistaken. This is applicable to family as well as friends.
Yes...do love, appreciate and be thankful for your family, for they will
always be your family no matter what. Just know that they are human first
and though they are family to you, they may be a friend to someone else and will fit somewhere in the criteria above.

"In Prosperity Our Friends Know Us. In Adversity We Know Our friends."

"Never make someone a priority when you are only an option for them."
"If you are going to achieve excellence in big things, you develop the habit
in little matters. Excellence is not an exception, it is a prevailing
attitude.."..

Colin Powell

What's your name?

Our names are so much more than just a grouping of letters. Our names represent our essence, other's perceptions of us, our perceptions of ourselves, growth, and changed circumstances. As we continue through life, previous incarnations of our names can stir up memories and identify connections to individuals, places and times. How have you been known previously? What is the name you go by today? Who do you want to be known as? Who are you becoming?

You Will Never Love The Same Again

Every person we encounter leaves their own special fingerprint on our lives, no matter whether their touch is big or small. Every person you love affects your the way you percieve and give love. From puppy love, to committed love, to unconditional love, our definition of love is continually evolving throughout life and varying experiences. You will never love someone new the same way you love the people in your life right now. We learn, we fall, we rise, our hearts expand, we build walls around our hearts. We continually evolve or grow stagnant and die.

Ladybugs

I love the movie Under the Tuscan Sun. One of my favorite quotes has to be: "Ladybugs, Katherine. Lots and lots of ladybugs." When we finally stop pushing and be, the thing we have been yearning for quite often shows up.

The Heart

I have been pondering a thought as I was reading this past week. The books don't matter as much as the subject of the thought. How can it be possible to truly love two people at the same time? If that is a possibility for you, is it possible to truly commit in such a situation?
My romantic relationship experience isn't vast, and I have never been in such a situation deeply. I haven't found many that I have trusted enough to let them in that close.  My friendships and the issues that have been encountered in the have been vast and eclectic.
I do know what it is to care about someone and have them not return the feeling. I also know what it feels like to be with someone I care about and not have the situation be one that is successful (no matter the feelings involved). I know what it is like to be in a relationship that deteoriates as you watch it fall apart.
To love someone who you can't or shouldn't be with while you are with another, I haven't been in that situation. I can somewhat imagine the pain and uncertainty that must accompany one in a such a situation. The struggle in my heart and mind is less from the area of loving each person. I wonder though if you could truly, deeply love each person fully in such a situation. Maybe you can, mabye you can't.
I often wonder if we are too carefree with our hearts in this day and age. Does the value or strength of saying 'I love you' decrease as you say it to more amours? Do we have less to give the person we choose to seriously commit to when we scatter pieces of our hearts around? Is our view of and ability to commitment to committing long term impaired when we have multiple "love" relationships that are short termed and short sighted? Is the understanding we have of love twisted and warped when we aren't as guarded as we should be? I have to wonder.
Don't misunderstand me here. I am not advocating arranged marriages or chaparoned dates. I just wonder if we shouldn't be a little more choosy in who we allow in our lives deeply and get to know the person before jumping into the deep end. As I alluded to, I don't have a ton of dating experience. On the large scale, I am grateful of this. My heart has been out there enought as it is. I do wish that I have more experience at moments. For myself, I cannot casually date. I know many who can successfully. Keeping things low key is definitely on my need to learn list. My friends and family will tell you that I am deep and intense. I acknowledge this as well. This trait can be toned down and controlled, but I will always be that way to a degree. This does make being "casual" a tad hard. Being friends first is hugely preferable for my particular personality.
I don't have the answers to life. I just wonder if we aren't so starved for true love and affection that we take more risks with our hearts romantically than we should. I read books, listen to music, and watch movies and television. The idealist in me occasionally daydreams about my own "white knight" who is devoted to my every happiness and myself to his. The realist in me knows that no person can bring you or guarantee you happiness or contentment. Happiness is not guaranteed and won't always be there...but that is for another time. Being content with your lot in life is an inside job. People are human and will fail you at one point or another. Enough of rabbit chasing. The point is that the more we "connect" with more and more people via technology, it seems the more disconnected we seem to be to true, deep and lasting connections. People hug less, people talk less face to face. You can share so much on facebook, but the quality of what is shared doesn't hold as much power. This isn't an new issue nor is it going to go away. It will most likely get worse. I just think we lost our connection with true intimacy.
I go through all of that to get to this point. True intimacy isn't about these surface issues. True intimacy is leaving a heartprint on someone's soul. It isn't sex or a gossip session. It is knowing what lurks in the depths of a person's being and being there when it counts. It is the touch of a hand to say "I get it" or "I'm here." It is looking in someone's eyes and reading their heart and soul. It is rememberance and renewal. It isn't always pretty, and it isn't always easy. However, it is worth it. It is sharing every aspect of our lives with another human being.
So, I hope you will forgive the meanderings of my mind as I can around to this point. Here is what I hope for you today...I hope you find someone who truly gets you, and keeps you. Someone who you can share your world with.

Grabbing the bull by the horns

Life happens. Pain is inflicted. Relationships go bad or just start that way. You know that phrase that life is 90% what happens to you and 10% how you react to it? I can't control the 90%. The only piece that I can affect is my 10%, my thoughts and actions. So continuing the spirit of being good to myself,  I am not going to wallow, despair, be hopeless, or beat myself up. I am going to grab the bull by the horns and deal with what I am given. I am going to make limoncello out of lemons. I am going to learn what I need to learn, adjust what I need to adjust, make a plan to handle and eliminate/control the issue in the future, and follow through with the plan diligently and positively, then move on with life and on to bigger, better, and happier things. (Yes grammar freaks, I am aware that is a super long run-on sentence, but I am leaving it as is.) Pain or the fear of pain isn't going to run my life. Some situations you just have to learn to live with for a period of time, some fix themselves with behavior and relational adjustments, some you can eliminate, and some you just release and continue without it. Today, I choose to focus on dealing with my "bulls" and move on. My heart will just have to catch up to my head. Feelings and emotions heal.

UGH!

This is really turning out to be a bad day, approaching horrid level. I am going to have to develop a thicker skin, become less sensitive, and let what people think of me and say to me matter less. I wish I could stay in bed but I have to work a 14 hour double tonight, which means I will have to deal pleasantly with the public and handle really crappy weather on very little, not quality sleep. Enough gripping now! Despite all of my "hurdles" currently, I am going to give my most valiant attempt summoning up some sense of the positive and not be overcritical with myself. Who knows...maybe I will be able to help someone else who is having a bad day. Time to get up now, get ready, and put gas in the car before work.

Resolved

I usually don't make New Year's resolutions, because I know I won't keep them. I have been doing well at making some good changes in my life over the past couple of months and sticking with them, so I decided to make a resolution this year. My resolution is this...be good to myself. Sounds simple right?...not for me. I am resolved this year to be good to myself even if I don't like what has to be done or it is hard. Whether it be stopping negative thoughts/actions or seizing new opportunities, this is my goal...not necessarily for the next year but for the   rest of my life. I haven't even discussed this with anyone, but I have to have some sort of tracking method/accountability set up for the bad days. Yesterday and today are threatening to be bad. I have fallen short a couple of times. I have also made many good choices. The interesting thing about this new thought pattern is how many times and how often I question myself. I am not by any means going radically harsh or over the top this time around. Life can't be all or nothing. Some things in life are black and white, but most have some gray areas and degrees. Complete change doesn't usually happen overnight. Permenant change sticks with the small things and individual choices. I have recently begun to crave some different foods like oatmeal and oranges. These items are successfully and painlessly integrating into my daily life. I may still eat pasta, but I add green beans to the menu and even eat them first. The negative thinking has been an issue I have been dealing with lately, so I am continuing to redirect my thinking. As far as relationships go, I am and will continue to grow the ones I can, make new relationships, and let the ones that I can't do anything more with at the moment lay to the side. As hard as it is to put a relationship I want to succeed on the shelf, I am not going to keep beating my head against a brick wall. I am going to spend my time and energy on people who love me and want to be in my life. My relationship with myself is another matter. I will love myself, warts and all. So many other things are wrapped up in my resolution to be good to myself. I am going to take more pictures and focus on growing my skill there. Financially, I am going to be more focused on what really matters. I am going to travel more and try to move to a city at some point in the near future. I am going to take some more classes hopefully. Short and long of it all is that I am going to actively choose to be good to myself...so far, so good.

"Every new year people make resolutions to change aspects of themselves they believe are negative. A majority of people revert back to how they were before and feel like failures. This year I challenge you to a new resolution. I challenge you to just be yourself. " 

Aisha Elderwyn