DID I ASK FOR A CHALLENGE?!?

The wind in western Kansas can be quite startling. It reminds me of a scorpion. You are able to track and handle the main body of the wind. What will get you is the tail that whips around out of nowhere on you. This is the portion of the wind that can knock you off your path quite easily. You have no idea of when or where it is going to creep up and knock you off your feet.
When you grow and actively pursue enlightenment, you are just asking for a challenge. I simply forgot about the trial by fire. I had been effectively handling the steady stream of wind, but I had no idea to prepare for that tail whipping around on me when I least expected it. Suffice it to say that the emotions, feelings, and situations that have been stirred up in the last couple of weeks have been unexpected. You see I have just crossed in the last couple of weeks the 8th anniversary of my mom's death and then mother's day. The first few years were rough, really rough, from about April until June. The last couple weren't bad at all. This year has been rough. Missing her is something I can generally handle. The anger and pain came roaring back this year like a lion. I have almost written this blog so many times lately, but I just couldn't bring myself to write it. I still doubt whether putting it out here is best, but I am hoping the writing will bring about a cathartic release of whatever is holding me back. It also helps that I don't actually think that many people, if any, will actually see this post. So much work has gone into walking in a positive and grateful direction in recent history. I can't seem to resolve this with the "unearthed" negative feelings that have shown themselves. The negativity and ungratefulness can be shaken on the surface for a period, but it just bubbles under the surface. I don't know what to do with it at this point. The one thing I know is that bitter, hard, or miserable are not adjectives I choose to attach to myself. Not being sure what do to at this point, the only thing I can do is to take life one moment at a time and make it the best moment I can. The rest is going to have to work itself out as I keep moving forward, and I have to believe it will work out.

"Stop expecting that you will feel good all the time. We were not put on this earth only to feel good. We were put here to grow and learn. And sometimes that only happens when we don't feel good. So let the difficult times gestate within you - almost as if they have come to teach you a very specific thing about yourself."
- Elizabeth Lesser, Co founder of Omega Institute