Not everyone relates the same or values the same things. This is okay! You can't expect those close to you to mold their lives around your interests. You also can't have a truly strong, stable relationship with someone when you are molding yourself around them. You can be a strong, independent person with amazing relationships. You can enjoy different things from even your closest friends without them having to be in every moment of your life.
Some rougher moments in my life this week have coincided with thinking about Sex and the City this week. What I love about this show is the friendships of four fabulous, strong, unique women. I love how they relate and take care of each other while increasing themselves as part of the process. I love that they have pieces of their lives that aren't as closely tied to the others and pieces that are integral parts of the relationship. I love that they have other relationships that fill roles in their lives that the ladies could but don't always fill for each other.
If I look back over my TV sitcom history, many of my favorite shows have definitely revolved around this theme - Lipstick Jungle, Designing Women, Sisters, The Cashmere Mafia - to name a few top ranked.
That is all I have for now. I have much more I want to say about some life drama, but first I need to finish processing it before I can release it.
Friday
Try
There is a nasty little word that tries to creep into my life and affect my thoughts, actions, and speech. This is not profanity. It is far worse. The word is try. Try has a good side. I can be a hopeful little thought to a newbie. Children are great examples of how the good side of this word can be utilized. Try spelling the word, try talking to the new kid, try your peas, etc. For those of us that have a bit more maturity and development in areas, try can be the crutch that keeps you from walking on a stable ankle. Yoda said, "Do or do not, there is no 'try.'" As much as I am banishing this word from my vocabulary, it still slithers in from time to time and becomes an excuse. I did it again today in fact. The word itself holds power for good or evil. We must not allow ourselves to whine "I tried" then give up or become frustrated. By all means, use 'try' if you can move forward in a positive direction and not let it hold you back. However, if you let failing when trying hold you back, wipe that word out of your vocabulary and thinking. Grasp hod of the power you have inside. Tell yourself that you will do and you will succeed.
I thought this poem was well suited for this post.
Try Try Again
by T. H. Palmer
'Tis a lesson you should heed,
If at first you don't succeed,
Try, try again;
Then your courage should appear,
For if you will persevere,
You will conquer, never fear
Try, try again;
Once or twice, though you should fail,
If you would at last prevail,
Try, try again;
If we strive, 'tis no disgrace
Though we do not win the race;
What should you do in the case?
Try, try again
If you find your task is hard,
Time will bring you your reward,
Try, try again
All that other folks can do,
Why, with patience, should not you?
Only keep this rule in view:
Try, try again.
I thought this poem was well suited for this post.
Try Try Again
by T. H. Palmer
'Tis a lesson you should heed,
If at first you don't succeed,
Try, try again;
Then your courage should appear,
For if you will persevere,
You will conquer, never fear
Try, try again;
Once or twice, though you should fail,
If you would at last prevail,
Try, try again;
If we strive, 'tis no disgrace
Though we do not win the race;
What should you do in the case?
Try, try again
If you find your task is hard,
Time will bring you your reward,
Try, try again
All that other folks can do,
Why, with patience, should not you?
Only keep this rule in view:
Try, try again.
Tuesday
"I'm NO Paula Deen sug."
Paula retweeted, "You have to release your inner cook sugar!"
This made me think (as so much in life does)...maybe I should just copyright that phrase as much as I say it. (Hopping off the rabbit trail now...) Even Paula Deen wasn't Paula Deen when she started. She grew, fought trouble, and learned to become the amazing woman she is today.
Each of us has our own journey, our own fight and our own lessons to learn to become the best versions of ourselves. Who you are today is not who you are tomorrow and not who you were yesterday. BE who you are today and celebrate who that person is. Good or bad, pretty or not looking so cute, you are an amazing symphony of personality, life experiences, truth, and feeling. Sing your song like the diva you are!
This made me think (as so much in life does)...maybe I should just copyright that phrase as much as I say it. (Hopping off the rabbit trail now...) Even Paula Deen wasn't Paula Deen when she started. She grew, fought trouble, and learned to become the amazing woman she is today.
Each of us has our own journey, our own fight and our own lessons to learn to become the best versions of ourselves. Who you are today is not who you are tomorrow and not who you were yesterday. BE who you are today and celebrate who that person is. Good or bad, pretty or not looking so cute, you are an amazing symphony of personality, life experiences, truth, and feeling. Sing your song like the diva you are!
Monday
Look to the small things
I watched the last episode of Lost today *spoiler alert*, and I had a difficult time with the ending of it. I think I saw the end coming. I just kept blocking it out, thinking they surely wouldn't do that. They did. Upon some thinking, I realized my difficulty with the way they choose to end the program. You see, they ended with redemption. I didn't give redemption credit initially due to the fact that it doesn't/I don't let it feel real to me. It has felt real to me in the past. It definitely exists as a possibility, theory, ideal. However, I don't feel joyously redeemed right now.
This got me to thinking about how things that aren't real to us at present, aren't really real to us, and how this affects trying to help others who are dealing with the same thing. We can only truly relate when we can feel their pain/indifference with them without being so mired in the feeling that we can't see or have the hope to be able to find a way out of the junk. That, however, is a topic for another day. Leaving the rabbit's trail now...
The really raw, vunereable point of this laying bare sessions is that we deal with so much in life that we just don't get. For me, it is someone really truly loving me and sticking by me through whatever. Taking into account that humans will fail you at the minimum of once in your life, there are people who will stick by you though even the yuckiest version of yourself. I have people in my life who love me and I love them. If anything serious harm ever came to either of us, we would be there. What happens to the small wounds though? So often, people can dismiss them, excuse them, or simply not see them (purposefully and not). These are the true tests of a relationship and a person. It is so easy to not give these small wounds proper treatment, but that is a grave mistake. A tiny spider bite from the right spider can lead to whole chunks of skin having to be removed due to the rapidly spreading poison. Properly tended, the damage can be contained. The "episode" can become a positive moment in a relationship. Left to fester, the tiny pea under the princess's bed can lead to a irritation, frustration, and eventually termination of a relationship.
I am no angel when it comes to bad behavior in relationships. We have all done our damage to others we are love. So often though, relationships fade, turn sour, or sometimes explode magnicifantly. Don't look at the big events when it comes to those moments. Look to the small stuff. You trust people with the small stuff first. If people prove themselves faithful, you then pull out the big guns. If someone is in need of help, look below the surface. Don't try to save someone who needs redeeming. They most likely have trouble believing someone loves them that much. If someone has problems with anger, look to the hurt in their lives. Start with the small stuff. Remember that the small pebble can either keep you up at night or the grain of sand can become a pearl in an oyster.
This got me to thinking about how things that aren't real to us at present, aren't really real to us, and how this affects trying to help others who are dealing with the same thing. We can only truly relate when we can feel their pain/indifference with them without being so mired in the feeling that we can't see or have the hope to be able to find a way out of the junk. That, however, is a topic for another day. Leaving the rabbit's trail now...
The really raw, vunereable point of this laying bare sessions is that we deal with so much in life that we just don't get. For me, it is someone really truly loving me and sticking by me through whatever. Taking into account that humans will fail you at the minimum of once in your life, there are people who will stick by you though even the yuckiest version of yourself. I have people in my life who love me and I love them. If anything serious harm ever came to either of us, we would be there. What happens to the small wounds though? So often, people can dismiss them, excuse them, or simply not see them (purposefully and not). These are the true tests of a relationship and a person. It is so easy to not give these small wounds proper treatment, but that is a grave mistake. A tiny spider bite from the right spider can lead to whole chunks of skin having to be removed due to the rapidly spreading poison. Properly tended, the damage can be contained. The "episode" can become a positive moment in a relationship. Left to fester, the tiny pea under the princess's bed can lead to a irritation, frustration, and eventually termination of a relationship.
I am no angel when it comes to bad behavior in relationships. We have all done our damage to others we are love. So often though, relationships fade, turn sour, or sometimes explode magnicifantly. Don't look at the big events when it comes to those moments. Look to the small stuff. You trust people with the small stuff first. If people prove themselves faithful, you then pull out the big guns. If someone is in need of help, look below the surface. Don't try to save someone who needs redeeming. They most likely have trouble believing someone loves them that much. If someone has problems with anger, look to the hurt in their lives. Start with the small stuff. Remember that the small pebble can either keep you up at night or the grain of sand can become a pearl in an oyster.
Friday
First Impressions
Much importance is placed on first impressions. Quite often, the wrong values are used to evaluate during this moment and with an unnecessary amount of judgment. First impressions can be harsh and unforgiving. For a lot of people, the first impression can determine if they are willing to forge a bond with you and what kind of bond they are willing to create. This makes me think of the old adage "You can't judge a book by its cover."
First of all, there is more than one kind of first impression. You have the first time you meet and the first time you get to know a person. If you are to judge on first impressions, you would be far better off judging them off the first time you get to know who they are.
This brings up the thinking that we as humans are continually evolving (or devolving). If you aren't growing, you are dying. Personally I believe that a core remains, with few changes in most people, throughout the process. The essence of the core largely remains the same though regardless of the rest of the changes. You also have to consider the conflict of your history and your present. I spent many years tied to who I was and what happened to me. This is an area where I have begun to see a large change. Yes, my history has helped to mold me to where I am today. No, I am not the sum total of my history. I am more than my history and past actions/reactions. If I can make peace with my past and its place in my life, I can release it to allow new to come in and become who I am meant to be today. Cutting the ties to your past, refusing to let them hold you back, allows you to live a life beyond your wildest dreams. It opens you up to becoming a person you never thought you could be. Much freedom can be found in forgiving and letting go. Our past can teach us lessons and put gems of learned and earned knowledge in our lives that we can carry forward on our journey. That said, how can we judge someone based on a first impression when we are constantly facing change? You really can't.
I have personally experienced this myself. I have a friend who I met years ago through a mutual friend. I did not like him at all at that first meeting. We met again after some time had passed, and we are now friends and have been for several years. If I had reacted based on my first impression, I would be minus a good friend today.
If you are the words come to mind "your loss, not mine," you need to stop right now and tackle that thought. After much life experience, I think that piece of advice is total crap. Some people may not cause too much loss in your life. You should never doubt that when you lose a (potential) relationship, you are losing out. The loss may be worth the gaining of something else, but a loss is a loss is a loss. To ignore a loss is to not allow yourself to heal. Even when losing the most destructive relationships in my life, I have still had to deal with the exit of that relationship from my life. The grief still existed in some degree. Who knows, maybe I am not normal in this matter. I tend to hang on to relationships for long periods of time and have a hard time letting go. I also think that a great person with average physical looks is much more attractive than a physically beautiful yet personality deficient person. People are like icebergs, only 10% of their mass shows above the surface. You have to go underwater to see the other 90% of the iceberg.
So, back to the point of all of this. You can judge someone based on a first impression. That is your choice. I wouldn't consider that to be wise. I prefer taking a deeper look. (That is a line that reminds me of a movie, but I can't think which one right now.)
First of all, there is more than one kind of first impression. You have the first time you meet and the first time you get to know a person. If you are to judge on first impressions, you would be far better off judging them off the first time you get to know who they are.
This brings up the thinking that we as humans are continually evolving (or devolving). If you aren't growing, you are dying. Personally I believe that a core remains, with few changes in most people, throughout the process. The essence of the core largely remains the same though regardless of the rest of the changes. You also have to consider the conflict of your history and your present. I spent many years tied to who I was and what happened to me. This is an area where I have begun to see a large change. Yes, my history has helped to mold me to where I am today. No, I am not the sum total of my history. I am more than my history and past actions/reactions. If I can make peace with my past and its place in my life, I can release it to allow new to come in and become who I am meant to be today. Cutting the ties to your past, refusing to let them hold you back, allows you to live a life beyond your wildest dreams. It opens you up to becoming a person you never thought you could be. Much freedom can be found in forgiving and letting go. Our past can teach us lessons and put gems of learned and earned knowledge in our lives that we can carry forward on our journey. That said, how can we judge someone based on a first impression when we are constantly facing change? You really can't.
I have personally experienced this myself. I have a friend who I met years ago through a mutual friend. I did not like him at all at that first meeting. We met again after some time had passed, and we are now friends and have been for several years. If I had reacted based on my first impression, I would be minus a good friend today.
If you are the words come to mind "your loss, not mine," you need to stop right now and tackle that thought. After much life experience, I think that piece of advice is total crap. Some people may not cause too much loss in your life. You should never doubt that when you lose a (potential) relationship, you are losing out. The loss may be worth the gaining of something else, but a loss is a loss is a loss. To ignore a loss is to not allow yourself to heal. Even when losing the most destructive relationships in my life, I have still had to deal with the exit of that relationship from my life. The grief still existed in some degree. Who knows, maybe I am not normal in this matter. I tend to hang on to relationships for long periods of time and have a hard time letting go. I also think that a great person with average physical looks is much more attractive than a physically beautiful yet personality deficient person. People are like icebergs, only 10% of their mass shows above the surface. You have to go underwater to see the other 90% of the iceberg.
So, back to the point of all of this. You can judge someone based on a first impression. That is your choice. I wouldn't consider that to be wise. I prefer taking a deeper look. (That is a line that reminds me of a movie, but I can't think which one right now.)
Wednesday
Thailand
I will be the first to admit that politics are an area I often avoid. My feelings and thoughts can become quite intense and passionate, and I can't control or heavily influence this area. Why has Thailand affected me so much? I am not completely sure. My best guess is that in a short amount of time this beautiful country and its kind hearted people rapidly dissolved into violence and aggression. Much of my early information is owed to facebook friends who live there and touted the virtues of the country and people. Through them I found more connections. The pictures and videos taken are heartbreaking. The dissidence may have been burning already in the form of peaceful protests and citizens speaking out. However, the violence and stench of death is fresh. Can you imagine your neighborhood suddenly turning into a war zone? Can you imagine having to huddle in your apartment hearing the sounds of gun shots outside your door? Can you imagine the smell of tires burning? Can you imagine seeing your work place or the place where you eat or shop up in flames? Can you imagine having to run for your life while trying to retrieve your valuables from your home? Conflict happens everywhere. I have been aware of previous conflict. This time I got a real glance inside the world gone mad and heads of those caught up in the conflict. It is a heartbreaking place. How do you recover from such a conflict? How do you heal emotions in turmoil? How do you remove the newly placed anguish and fear?
The road to dissidence is short, but the road to recovery and healing is a much longer walk. If one word can tear apart what it took time and attention to build, what will acting on violence with guns, fire, and tanks do?
Thailand...you are in my heart. May the anger and violence abate and love take its place in your hearts. My wish for you is peace.
The road to dissidence is short, but the road to recovery and healing is a much longer walk. If one word can tear apart what it took time and attention to build, what will acting on violence with guns, fire, and tanks do?
Thailand...you are in my heart. May the anger and violence abate and love take its place in your hearts. My wish for you is peace.
Tuesday
If you are lucky...
*For Thailand
If...
You can walk down the street without worrying about being shot by snipers,
You are lucky.
You don't have to worry about being raped and abandoned by your family in shame,
You are lucky.
You have enough food to eat and can go to school,
You are lucky.
You have money in the bank,
You are lucky.
You have shoes on your feet,
You are lucky.
You have people that love about you and protect you from danger,
You are lucky.
You have your health,
You are lucky.
You have clean drinking water,
You are lucky.
You have one more breath in your body,
You are lucky.
If you are lucky...
Are you showing gratitude for all your gifts?
Are you sharing with those in need?
Are you opening your heart to others around you?
Are you creating a better world for those yet to come?
We are all lucky, whether it looks like it or not. Share your luck with love and generosity. Send good thoughts to everyone you meet.
If...
You can walk down the street without worrying about being shot by snipers,
You are lucky.
You don't have to worry about being raped and abandoned by your family in shame,
You are lucky.
You have enough food to eat and can go to school,
You are lucky.
You have money in the bank,
You are lucky.
You have shoes on your feet,
You are lucky.
You have people that love about you and protect you from danger,
You are lucky.
You have your health,
You are lucky.
You have clean drinking water,
You are lucky.
You have one more breath in your body,
You are lucky.
If you are lucky...
Are you showing gratitude for all your gifts?
Are you sharing with those in need?
Are you opening your heart to others around you?
Are you creating a better world for those yet to come?
We are all lucky, whether it looks like it or not. Share your luck with love and generosity. Send good thoughts to everyone you meet.
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