I watched the last episode of Lost today *spoiler alert*, and I had a difficult time with the ending of it. I think I saw the end coming. I just kept blocking it out, thinking they surely wouldn't do that. They did. Upon some thinking, I realized my difficulty with the way they choose to end the program. You see, they ended with redemption. I didn't give redemption credit initially due to the fact that it doesn't/I don't let it feel real to me. It has felt real to me in the past. It definitely exists as a possibility, theory, ideal. However, I don't feel joyously redeemed right now.
This got me to thinking about how things that aren't real to us at present, aren't really real to us, and how this affects trying to help others who are dealing with the same thing. We can only truly relate when we can feel their pain/indifference with them without being so mired in the feeling that we can't see or have the hope to be able to find a way out of the junk. That, however, is a topic for another day. Leaving the rabbit's trail now...
The really raw, vunereable point of this laying bare sessions is that we deal with so much in life that we just don't get. For me, it is someone really truly loving me and sticking by me through whatever. Taking into account that humans will fail you at the minimum of once in your life, there are people who will stick by you though even the yuckiest version of yourself. I have people in my life who love me and I love them. If anything serious harm ever came to either of us, we would be there. What happens to the small wounds though? So often, people can dismiss them, excuse them, or simply not see them (purposefully and not). These are the true tests of a relationship and a person. It is so easy to not give these small wounds proper treatment, but that is a grave mistake. A tiny spider bite from the right spider can lead to whole chunks of skin having to be removed due to the rapidly spreading poison. Properly tended, the damage can be contained. The "episode" can become a positive moment in a relationship. Left to fester, the tiny pea under the princess's bed can lead to a irritation, frustration, and eventually termination of a relationship.
I am no angel when it comes to bad behavior in relationships. We have all done our damage to others we are love. So often though, relationships fade, turn sour, or sometimes explode magnicifantly. Don't look at the big events when it comes to those moments. Look to the small stuff. You trust people with the small stuff first. If people prove themselves faithful, you then pull out the big guns. If someone is in need of help, look below the surface. Don't try to save someone who needs redeeming. They most likely have trouble believing someone loves them that much. If someone has problems with anger, look to the hurt in their lives. Start with the small stuff. Remember that the small pebble can either keep you up at night or the grain of sand can become a pearl in an oyster.
Friday
First Impressions
Much importance is placed on first impressions. Quite often, the wrong values are used to evaluate during this moment and with an unnecessary amount of judgment. First impressions can be harsh and unforgiving. For a lot of people, the first impression can determine if they are willing to forge a bond with you and what kind of bond they are willing to create. This makes me think of the old adage "You can't judge a book by its cover."
First of all, there is more than one kind of first impression. You have the first time you meet and the first time you get to know a person. If you are to judge on first impressions, you would be far better off judging them off the first time you get to know who they are.
This brings up the thinking that we as humans are continually evolving (or devolving). If you aren't growing, you are dying. Personally I believe that a core remains, with few changes in most people, throughout the process. The essence of the core largely remains the same though regardless of the rest of the changes. You also have to consider the conflict of your history and your present. I spent many years tied to who I was and what happened to me. This is an area where I have begun to see a large change. Yes, my history has helped to mold me to where I am today. No, I am not the sum total of my history. I am more than my history and past actions/reactions. If I can make peace with my past and its place in my life, I can release it to allow new to come in and become who I am meant to be today. Cutting the ties to your past, refusing to let them hold you back, allows you to live a life beyond your wildest dreams. It opens you up to becoming a person you never thought you could be. Much freedom can be found in forgiving and letting go. Our past can teach us lessons and put gems of learned and earned knowledge in our lives that we can carry forward on our journey. That said, how can we judge someone based on a first impression when we are constantly facing change? You really can't.
I have personally experienced this myself. I have a friend who I met years ago through a mutual friend. I did not like him at all at that first meeting. We met again after some time had passed, and we are now friends and have been for several years. If I had reacted based on my first impression, I would be minus a good friend today.
If you are the words come to mind "your loss, not mine," you need to stop right now and tackle that thought. After much life experience, I think that piece of advice is total crap. Some people may not cause too much loss in your life. You should never doubt that when you lose a (potential) relationship, you are losing out. The loss may be worth the gaining of something else, but a loss is a loss is a loss. To ignore a loss is to not allow yourself to heal. Even when losing the most destructive relationships in my life, I have still had to deal with the exit of that relationship from my life. The grief still existed in some degree. Who knows, maybe I am not normal in this matter. I tend to hang on to relationships for long periods of time and have a hard time letting go. I also think that a great person with average physical looks is much more attractive than a physically beautiful yet personality deficient person. People are like icebergs, only 10% of their mass shows above the surface. You have to go underwater to see the other 90% of the iceberg.
So, back to the point of all of this. You can judge someone based on a first impression. That is your choice. I wouldn't consider that to be wise. I prefer taking a deeper look. (That is a line that reminds me of a movie, but I can't think which one right now.)
First of all, there is more than one kind of first impression. You have the first time you meet and the first time you get to know a person. If you are to judge on first impressions, you would be far better off judging them off the first time you get to know who they are.
This brings up the thinking that we as humans are continually evolving (or devolving). If you aren't growing, you are dying. Personally I believe that a core remains, with few changes in most people, throughout the process. The essence of the core largely remains the same though regardless of the rest of the changes. You also have to consider the conflict of your history and your present. I spent many years tied to who I was and what happened to me. This is an area where I have begun to see a large change. Yes, my history has helped to mold me to where I am today. No, I am not the sum total of my history. I am more than my history and past actions/reactions. If I can make peace with my past and its place in my life, I can release it to allow new to come in and become who I am meant to be today. Cutting the ties to your past, refusing to let them hold you back, allows you to live a life beyond your wildest dreams. It opens you up to becoming a person you never thought you could be. Much freedom can be found in forgiving and letting go. Our past can teach us lessons and put gems of learned and earned knowledge in our lives that we can carry forward on our journey. That said, how can we judge someone based on a first impression when we are constantly facing change? You really can't.
I have personally experienced this myself. I have a friend who I met years ago through a mutual friend. I did not like him at all at that first meeting. We met again after some time had passed, and we are now friends and have been for several years. If I had reacted based on my first impression, I would be minus a good friend today.
If you are the words come to mind "your loss, not mine," you need to stop right now and tackle that thought. After much life experience, I think that piece of advice is total crap. Some people may not cause too much loss in your life. You should never doubt that when you lose a (potential) relationship, you are losing out. The loss may be worth the gaining of something else, but a loss is a loss is a loss. To ignore a loss is to not allow yourself to heal. Even when losing the most destructive relationships in my life, I have still had to deal with the exit of that relationship from my life. The grief still existed in some degree. Who knows, maybe I am not normal in this matter. I tend to hang on to relationships for long periods of time and have a hard time letting go. I also think that a great person with average physical looks is much more attractive than a physically beautiful yet personality deficient person. People are like icebergs, only 10% of their mass shows above the surface. You have to go underwater to see the other 90% of the iceberg.
So, back to the point of all of this. You can judge someone based on a first impression. That is your choice. I wouldn't consider that to be wise. I prefer taking a deeper look. (That is a line that reminds me of a movie, but I can't think which one right now.)
Wednesday
Thailand
I will be the first to admit that politics are an area I often avoid. My feelings and thoughts can become quite intense and passionate, and I can't control or heavily influence this area. Why has Thailand affected me so much? I am not completely sure. My best guess is that in a short amount of time this beautiful country and its kind hearted people rapidly dissolved into violence and aggression. Much of my early information is owed to facebook friends who live there and touted the virtues of the country and people. Through them I found more connections. The pictures and videos taken are heartbreaking. The dissidence may have been burning already in the form of peaceful protests and citizens speaking out. However, the violence and stench of death is fresh. Can you imagine your neighborhood suddenly turning into a war zone? Can you imagine having to huddle in your apartment hearing the sounds of gun shots outside your door? Can you imagine the smell of tires burning? Can you imagine seeing your work place or the place where you eat or shop up in flames? Can you imagine having to run for your life while trying to retrieve your valuables from your home? Conflict happens everywhere. I have been aware of previous conflict. This time I got a real glance inside the world gone mad and heads of those caught up in the conflict. It is a heartbreaking place. How do you recover from such a conflict? How do you heal emotions in turmoil? How do you remove the newly placed anguish and fear?
The road to dissidence is short, but the road to recovery and healing is a much longer walk. If one word can tear apart what it took time and attention to build, what will acting on violence with guns, fire, and tanks do?
Thailand...you are in my heart. May the anger and violence abate and love take its place in your hearts. My wish for you is peace.
The road to dissidence is short, but the road to recovery and healing is a much longer walk. If one word can tear apart what it took time and attention to build, what will acting on violence with guns, fire, and tanks do?
Thailand...you are in my heart. May the anger and violence abate and love take its place in your hearts. My wish for you is peace.
Tuesday
If you are lucky...
*For Thailand
If...
You can walk down the street without worrying about being shot by snipers,
You are lucky.
You don't have to worry about being raped and abandoned by your family in shame,
You are lucky.
You have enough food to eat and can go to school,
You are lucky.
You have money in the bank,
You are lucky.
You have shoes on your feet,
You are lucky.
You have people that love about you and protect you from danger,
You are lucky.
You have your health,
You are lucky.
You have clean drinking water,
You are lucky.
You have one more breath in your body,
You are lucky.
If you are lucky...
Are you showing gratitude for all your gifts?
Are you sharing with those in need?
Are you opening your heart to others around you?
Are you creating a better world for those yet to come?
We are all lucky, whether it looks like it or not. Share your luck with love and generosity. Send good thoughts to everyone you meet.
If...
You can walk down the street without worrying about being shot by snipers,
You are lucky.
You don't have to worry about being raped and abandoned by your family in shame,
You are lucky.
You have enough food to eat and can go to school,
You are lucky.
You have money in the bank,
You are lucky.
You have shoes on your feet,
You are lucky.
You have people that love about you and protect you from danger,
You are lucky.
You have your health,
You are lucky.
You have clean drinking water,
You are lucky.
You have one more breath in your body,
You are lucky.
If you are lucky...
Are you showing gratitude for all your gifts?
Are you sharing with those in need?
Are you opening your heart to others around you?
Are you creating a better world for those yet to come?
We are all lucky, whether it looks like it or not. Share your luck with love and generosity. Send good thoughts to everyone you meet.
Saturday
Soul Mates, Kindred Spirits, Bechert
I went to the movies last night and saw "Letters to Juliet." This wonderful movie got me to thinking about soul mates. I used to believe that we had one person that was perfect for us. This thought has become negotiable anymore. I do, however, believe that there are people in this world that our lives would not be the same without. Anne of Green Gables had her kindred spirits. The Nanny used the Yiddish term bechert (meant to be). I know I have met those people throughout my life. That person that you just met that feels like you have known them for your whole life. The person that immediately dives into the depths of the deep end of your soul. These people have greatly influenced my belief that everything happens for a reason. Everything has a purpose, an specific influence, on the path your life is taking. These connections may be simply friendships or love connections. Either way, they are soul connections. They may last five minutes or a lifetime. Regardless, they impact our lives in innumerable and untraceable ways. These are moments to be treasured. These people and our relationships with them should be valued and carefully cultivated. They are the pieces of our dreams.
What do you risk?
The case of "tiny safety bar" vs big thrill. I just read a status update by Robin Rice's Be Who You Are: "Life is a roller coaster. Tiny safety bar down, both hands up, big smiles on, let's ride!"
This immediately struck a chord inside me. What caught my eye was "tiny safety bar."
We risk so many things of value so often for often undesirable and unrewarding results. We don't often pause to consider the risk in thrill rides, but it is there. Thrill sports, like skydiving, involve considerable risk as well. We risk losing what makes us special and unique for the approval of others. Some risk, wisely and unwisely, their money in schemes or stocks. We risk security and happiness in changing jobs, relationships, statuses of life.
In everything we do there is inherent risk, the differences lie in the degree of risk. What do you risk? Is the potential reward worth the risk you are taking? Or are you putting dollars in for a return of a few cents. The outcome should always outweigh than then investment.
This immediately struck a chord inside me. What caught my eye was "tiny safety bar."
We risk so many things of value so often for often undesirable and unrewarding results. We don't often pause to consider the risk in thrill rides, but it is there. Thrill sports, like skydiving, involve considerable risk as well. We risk losing what makes us special and unique for the approval of others. Some risk, wisely and unwisely, their money in schemes or stocks. We risk security and happiness in changing jobs, relationships, statuses of life.
In everything we do there is inherent risk, the differences lie in the degree of risk. What do you risk? Is the potential reward worth the risk you are taking? Or are you putting dollars in for a return of a few cents. The outcome should always outweigh than then investment.
A "what in the world?!" dream
I don't dream much. If I do dream, it isn't normal to remember them afterwards. Last night, I FELT my dream. (I may not explain all of the references as the main point comes a tad later.) It start off odd enough in a long connected YWAM type living situation in some sort of a educational setting . Somehow my locked refrigerator with beer is opened by force by breaking the lock (??). Then I wind up going to the store at three a.m. with one of the heads or something like that. Apparently I am not in trouble, but I have no clue why we went to the store at that time. I am also apparently in a very Kansas-like local, flat and dusty. THEN...the tornadoes show up. They first one appears on the left side of the road. She drives off the right side of the road headed for a grove ahead. We seem to be in a small SUV or something like it. Then that one disappears. Next thing I know I am walking (not sure what happened to the woman I am with or the vehicle) along side the road and see a second tornado.I lay in a shallow depression next to the road as the tornado is headed for me. Here is where it gets weird. I feel the force of the wind as the first wall crosses over me. Then I feel and get the sense of utter calm as the center crosses over. Then, I really feel the tornado trying to lift me and my response of trying to suction cup myself to the earth. The tornado hands out there for a few more eternal feeling seconds trying to pry me from the ground. I am thinking of my momma, singing Amazing Grace to keep calm, and praying. Then the tornado leaves. I proceed to crawl towards town, which is in front of me, as I am feeling slightly paranoid that the tornado might come back for me now. I come to the covered entrance and the woman I was with comes out of a house with partially collapsed porch covering. I come in the house with her and assume we are going to the basement for safe cover.
For those I lost or who fell asleep, you can come back to reality with me now. I am used to really unusual situations or relationships featuring themselves in my rare dreams. However, outside of dream where I am swimming in the ocean with brightly colored fish (seriously, that is all I remember...odd), I have never felt a physical real-time reaction like I did with this dream. The pull of the winds and the eerie calm at the center of the storm was very real to me. It is going to be a while, if ever, that I can explain this dream. I just hope to never physically feel a dream like I did last night. That was way creepy.
For those I lost or who fell asleep, you can come back to reality with me now. I am used to really unusual situations or relationships featuring themselves in my rare dreams. However, outside of dream where I am swimming in the ocean with brightly colored fish (seriously, that is all I remember...odd), I have never felt a physical real-time reaction like I did with this dream. The pull of the winds and the eerie calm at the center of the storm was very real to me. It is going to be a while, if ever, that I can explain this dream. I just hope to never physically feel a dream like I did last night. That was way creepy.
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